Relationships
How To Know You’ll Be Able To Handle Long-Distance, According To Real Women
by Tayi Sanusi
So you've fallen head over heels in love, and you've started to fantasize about how amazing your life is going to be now that you have the bae of your dreams. But of course, the universe DGAF that you've found love, and somehow, you've ended up in a long-distance relationship. Let me tell you from firsthand experience: Figuring out how to handle a long-distance relationship isn't easy.
Depending on how committed both you and your partner are, you may very well be embarking on a journey through hell, complete with pitifully, emotional video chats, amazing reunions, and gut-wrenching goodbyes. But that doesn't mean that a happy ending isn't on the horizon for the two of you. With the right amount of commitment and hard work, long-distance relationships can most certainly work out. If you're wondering how you're going to survive, take some advice from our fellow sisters on Reddit, who dropped some wisdom on how they made LDRs work.
You Have An "End Plan"
No longer in a LDR, but this is what we did. Very few LDRs are sustainable unless there is an end plan. In X months/years - one person will move to be with the other person. Even if the plan involves being Long Distance for 4 years - at least there is a plan in place. My SO and I did long distance for just under a year, which was the plan. He moved for a job and we both agreed that the location was better for us in the long run and I was too damned stubborn to move without also having a job in place. I would try to get a job for 1 year and then move - job or no. We communicated constantly. Emails, texts, pictures, Skype. We had weekly "date nights" where we would cook the same recipe over Skype and eat it "together". We also had movie nights where we watched the same thing.
You Have Goals To Keep You Occupied
My bf and I were long distance for almost 2 years. We met in my hometown, he went to his home country to get work while I finished college in my home country. We were in completely different continents so we only got to visit each other twice during our time apart. But honestly what kept us going was our end goal (me moving to his country after graduation) and our complete trust in each other. Being apart was awful and seeing all of my friends with their bfs constantly around sucked, but I knew that in the end I'd be with my bf. We texted each other whenever we could (major time difference didn't make that easy) and we always set aside time for video chatting once or twice a week. I used our time apart to enjoy being with my friends or with myself, because when you're constantly around your SO it can be hard to get your own time. My advice is think of the end goal and make sure you both set aside time for each other.
You're Able To Focus On What You Have Instead Of What You're Missing
My first relationship was a bit weird, because we were online for about 3 years before even meeting. And in that time I can honestly say... we were perfectly happy. We wanted each other so badly that we made it work. We didn’t spend much time feeling sad over what we didn’t have, but rather on figuring out how to make the absolute best of what we did. We found ways to “hang out” and bond over things, like movies and video games. We talked on the phone and had phone sex. We did all that we could, we both knew that, and so we were happy. Maybe in my case it’s different since we hadn’t met yet, and so you could say that we didn’t really know what we were missing? Like it was all we ever knew, so it just wasn’t as disappointing.
— renavidi
You're Both Willing To Put In The Effort
I always give the same analogy, distance is like baggage. Longer you carry it, it feels heavier. When only one of them puts the effort to carry it, it won't last long because it will get exhausting for that person. Two people need to carry it together and there needs to be a final destination (read: they should both put effort to make it work and there needs to be a plan/date to close the distance.) I had several long distance dating situations. One of them started off as a close distance relationship and that was the easiest, there was a date he was going to come back. We took advantage of technology profusely with daily video chats, texts. (There was no social media back then but if there was, we would use it too.) I'm an introvert and a homebody so for me it was easier. Also let me add, just because your address is different doesn't mean every problem is about that. One of my friends dated a photographer once. Everyone would tell me my LDR must be very difficult, some even invalidated my relationship. Nobody implied the same to her. In reality, I got to hear from my SO more than she heard from hers. They worked different schedules, couldn't talk when they were at work, and he often traveled for work.
One Of You Is Willing To Relocate Eventually
Well they can work, but only if someone moves eventually. If you are okay with being apart for awhile, communicating on the phone, email, etc., and throw in occasional visits, you can maintain a solid long distance relationship. My husband and I started out as a long distance relationship (we lived in two different states)...Long story short, after about 7 months, I took a job transfer in TX and moved in with him. Been happy ever since. That was 9 years ago.
You Have Things You Can Mutually Bond Over
I've had more long-distance relationships than local ones, at this point. The most successful one started online, and we made it a real priority to set aside time for just the two of us to hang out (on skype, or roleplaying via IM, or working on one of our many collaborative creative projects). By comparison to a much less healthy relationship later on, the key there was that the things we were spending time on together, we were both really invested in. It wasn't just stuff we did to try to spend time together.
— Daenyx
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