How To Send The Perfect Sext To Someone You Just Started Dating, Because It Can Be Tricky
It's probably safe to assume that as long as humans have the ability to do so, sexting will remain a favorite global pastime. After all, what better way to get it on than by being direct and dropping some not-so-subtle hints that you're DTF? But before hitting send, there are several things to consider when trying to figure out how to send the perfect sext to someone you just started dating.
“There are so many elements to sexting (it’s simply another form of sexual and relational communication) that you’re likely to find parts of it that appeal to you,” sexologist and relationship expert, Jessica O’Reilly, told Elite Daily.
Putting yourself out there to someone you're still getting to know can definitely be nerve-racking, especially since relationships in the early stages often lack the comfort and trust level of more developed partnerships. However, if you're vibing with someone and aren't afraid to be bold, a bit of sensual banter can most definitely set the stage for some passionate IRL hookups. Even if the thought of sending a nude to someone you aren't official with sends a shiver down your spine, don't panic.
“Sexting need not only be explicit images," said Dr. Jess, who's also the host of the @SexWithDrJess podcast. "You can send flirty messages, voice notes, and even flirtatious video clips."
To ensure your sexting game is as strong as possible, here are some things to take into consideration when sexting a new bae.
01Consider what type of relationship you're looking for.
Just like making any other move in the courtship process, first, it's important to consider the desired result you're hoping to achieve. If you're looking for a regular hookup, your sexting approach may differ from how you'd sext someone you'd like to date more seriously.
For example, sexting an explicit pic when your goal is to set up a same-day rendezvous could definitely be an effective way to make that happen.
If you've been on a couple of dates and are totally smitten and low-key planning your wedding, keeping things flirty and coy may play more toward your end-goal.
02Consider the timing.
I'm baffled by how often people overlook timing when it comes to steering a conversation in a sexual way with someone they aren't yet official with. I'll never forget the time I woke up to the most intense sext that was sent at 7 a.m. from a guy I had just started seeing, and all I could think was, "WTF?" As a rule of thumb, evenings are almost always the best choice. In some situations, a midday surprise can also fly, but IMHO, morning sexts are a no-go.
03Start slow to gauge their comfort level.
According to Dr. Jess, when you're still figuring out someone's comfort level with sexting, it's never a bad idea to ease into things.
“Ask open-ended questions to engage in a dialogue that helps you both identify specific desires and boundaries," suggested Dr. Jess.
Diving in head-first by telling them you want to be tied up and spanked within an inch of your life — when, unbeknownst to you, they are much less in-touch with their kinky side — could come off a bit too strong and ultimately scare them off.
04Avoid sending pictures of anything they haven't seen IRL.
The golden rule of sexting someone new is to be aware of where you're currently at in your sexual relationship. Of course, this is more of a recommendation than a rule, but it definitely serves as a safeguard against coming on too strong when you're still testing the waters.
Plus, we all know the imagination is a powerful thing. If you've yet to go all the way, then sending a sexy bikini pic may get you farther than sending an image of something racier.
When it comes to sexting, stepping out of your comfort zone can totally be a good thing, according to Dr. Jess. But there's no need to pressure yourself if you're not ready.
“Of course, you don’t have to do anything that you don’t want to do," said Dr. Jess. "But, you do want to consider whether pushing your comfort zone a little would enhance your relationship and self-development."
As always, the most important thing is to stay true to yourself. Whether that's deciding that you want to hold off on sexting until things are more committed, or taking the reins and letting your new date know all of the scandalous things on your mind.
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