Relationships
Here's What It's Like To Break Up With The Person You Thought You'd Be With Forever
by Corinne Sullivan
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I'm not sure if there's such thing as "the one" (even after finding the person who is my near-perfect match). No relationship is perfect, and you'll be hard-pressed to find two people who are perfectly compatible. But sometimes, even if you find someone who feels like "the one" (or as close as you can get), the relationship might not last forever. People change, and the person who felt like your soulmate at 19 years old may no longer feel like such a great match at 29. If you broke up with the person you thought you'd be with forever, then you know how difficult it is to do — but also, how essential.
After all, everyone has a reason for breaking up with a partner. Whether you discover that your values, ambitions, or personalities don't align the way they used to, or something happened between you that you can't move past, there's no wrong way to decide that your partner no longer feels like your partner for life. Soulmates aren't always forever. Someone who's "the one" at one point in your life may not be five years down the road, and that's OK. Reddit users shared their experiences of breaking up with "the one," and their stories are seriously so important.
The One Who Couldn't Commit
After two years of constantly forgiving him for cheating on me, it wasn't until I needed to be hospitalized that I realized he didn't love me. When I needed him the most, he told me, 'I'm sorry, I can't take you being in there. It makes me too sad. Call me when you get out.' So when I did, I told him I just wanted to be friends, but I had nothing against him. Literally a day after I called him and told him that, he made FB official post [about] dating some other girl. LOL. I'm married now and really happy in my relationship. I definitely dodged a bullet.
The One Who Gave Ultimatums
We had very different ideas of what life should be like. For example, he had said he'd break up with me if I didn't get a college education. He also gave me ultimatums (twice) about moving with him to a small town. After the second time, I let him carry out the ultimatum.
The One Who Didn't Listen
We moved in together too young, and tried to be adults too fast. I should’ve known things were not going to work out when he tried to convince me to buy a house with him at 19. NINETEEN. (In Southern California. On two retail employees’ wages. Like, WHAT?!?)
We were high school sweethearts. He was smart and ambitious. But he also loved to spend money and worked insane hours to try to make up the deficit. After we moved in together, his work schedule changed so I was working morning shifts and would literally pass him in the driveway as he left for his night shifts. There would be several days in a row where we wouldn’t see each other, and when we did see each other we were too broke to do anything fun.
We went on a trip with his family after a big fight, where I begged him to not ask me to marry him. I told him I wasn’t sure how I felt anymore. I was unhappy, and he seemed unhappy. I wasn’t stupid. I knew why he suddenly wanted to know my ring size. I hadn’t been happy for months and had become a workaholic to try to keep up with the expenses.
I wanted to see if the vacation would bring a spark back into our relationship, and then maybe we could work ourselves back into normalcy.
He didn’t listen and asked me to marry him in front of his entire family and surrounded by strangers, hundreds of miles away from home. I was 21, and had no idea how to say no. Our engagement lasted nine days, because that’s all I could stomach while thinking about spending my life with someone I wasn’t in love with.
I have no idea what he’s up to now, but I’ve found my soulmate so I’m peachy keen.
The One Who Wanted Her to Change
He's an absolutely wonderful dude. He just thought I was a different person than I really am. He and I met during a very stressful point of my life, and he thought that if I quit doing all the things that made me 'me,' like volunteering, being a workaholic, and helping my family, that I'd be perfect. In the end, when the chaos subsided, I landed a job that makes me the happiest ever through the volunteering I was doing, and my family stabilized and isn't quite as chaotic as before.
We're both married to other people now, and thanks to social media, I can see that he chose well and is super happy. I'm happy here, and honestly, I'm really grateful for the way it all worked out. Nothing wrong at all with him, and he deserves all the goodness in life he has.
The One Who Couldn't Offer Support
We weren't engaged or anything, but I thought he would be the one I would be with until the very end. But then my dad died and he never once asked if I was OK or offered any kind of support. That's when I realized that we just don't have the same values where it matters so I broke up with him. We have remained really good friends though and still hang out sometimes.
The One Who Lacked Ambition
We started dating in high school and had the typical first love relationship. We moved to another state for college and he just completely changed. Well, I guess we both did in our own ways. I was bored in the relationship and he had no ambition whatsoever, unless it was just one of his music projects. He got kicked out of school twice and held a job only, like, a month the whole time I was in school. I was the only income for us until graduation. I worked two jobs during school on top of my clinical rotations. He always needed some new piece of equipment. In my head I didn't realize I could leave the relationship.
I finally had enough when I had a death in the family and decided I would go alone so he could take care of trying to get in school for the third time. He made it all about him, [saying] that he knew my family didn't like him and was demanding to know why they don't want him there. Never once asked how I was doing either. He bugged me the whole time I was trying to take care of my family, too. My sister was talking to me about how she was deciding to leave her husband when it clicked. I didn't have to stay with him even though we where engaged! When I returned home, I told him I would still help him get in school, but only as a friend.
The One Who Wouldn't Grow Up
upset woman feeling offended when her boyfriend plays video-games
As we grew, his charm dissipated. When I was 18/19, he didn't have a job so we could always be together. He was messy, bit so was I. He played video games day but it was fun!
At 27, I was working full time and getting my BA. He was still jobless. I worked my ass off. He played video games. I cleaned the house. He didn't clean sh*t. I grew up. He didn't.
The One Who Had Different Values
I've been engaged twice. First one ended after meeting my family for the first time, my fiancé made fun of my brother, who is very intelligent but sometimes socially awkward, for half the ride home. I slept on it, then gave the ring back the next day.
The second engagement, we dated for three years and got engaged after two. The closer it got, the more he decided he wanted to have children immediately, wanted me to stay home with them, and then said, 'Knowing that, I'm wondering if it's worth it for you to continue grad school.' (I was just starting my second year of my master's program.) Buh-bye.
The One Who Had Different Ideas About the Future
We had an intense attraction to each other but there were two reasons I had to walk away. First is he was very jealous and controlling. I couldn't say hi to someone in passing without getting grilled about who he was, how I knew him, was I talking to him secretly, did I wish I was dating him, etc.
Second, our ambitions didn't match up. I wanted more out of life than he did. I wanted the professional degree and he wanted to work on cars. There is nothing wrong with that at all, but our paths to our preferred destinations took us in very different directions.
I still think if him and wonder, but I have been happily married [to someone else] for more than 25 years.
The One Who Was Holding Him Back
She became very dependent on me. She didn't have many friends, nor any opportunities to go out and make any. She didn't have drive to do anything rather just sit at home and do nothing. No motivation to play any sports or get a job. This sabotaged my life, as I'd always be spending time and money on her because she couldn't afford anything herself. She ended being an emotional toll, as she had mental issues and I thought leaving her would just make it worse. But I'm so glad I left. It lifted a weight off my shoulders and allowed me to achieve a lot more than I was when I was with her.
— u/baum_g
The One Who Wasn't Honest
Almost two years into our relationship I had my first set of seizures. He made me go to the ER alone because 'he was tired.' We were in college at the time, and I ended up having to go home for a semester to get everything figured out with my health. When I came back, I found out he had pretended I just was keeping myself locked in my room all the time whenever our mutual friends would ask where I was. This hurt a lot of feelings until they found out what actually happened.
He admitted to being embarrassed at one point before I came back for the summer semester, and he didn’t want anyone to know. He expected me to get it fixed and be done with it. I ended the relationship and made it very clear that I didn’t want to be around him anymore. I ended up seeing a lot of ways that I dodged a bullet through talking to friends about things he did while I was gone.
I met the man I did marry about two years later. I was very clear about my epilepsy and what it entailed before we even started dating. I’ve had a lot of struggles with medications and seizures since, but he’s helped me through all of them. He has never been embarrassed about it or told me how I should handle it.
Sometimes, the person who feels like "the one who got away" is simply the person you let go, and for good reason. Love isn't always enough, and even if you're still hurting over losing a first love, just remember: If you ended it, it was for a reason.
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