So, you moved in with your love, or you fell in love with your coworker, or you planned your class schedule with your college sweetheart. Then... things didn't work out the way you had originally hoped. What happens when things don't go the way you had originally planned but you still have to see your ex every day? Don't panic, there's hope of healing in any breakup situation, according to breakup expert Kate Galt.
Her motto for her practice is actually, "Your current breakup is a gift." Whether you're processing your anger or still collecting the pieces of your broken heart, seeing an ex every day can seem like it will be impossible to deal with — but it's not.
Patience, grace, and self-care are the most important things that you can arm yourself with when it comes to healing from a complicated breakup. Even if things are difficult right now, you can still prioritize your healing and make sure to take care of yourself. Keep in mind that things won't feel this horrible forever — even if they may feel bad for a while. You're not alone when it comes to heartbreak. Try the following suggestions for when things seem to tough to handle, because you got this.
01Gather your support system.
Whatever the context is for a breakup, Galt's first suggestion is to gather your support system. Assess who's in your court and has your best interest at heart. Whether it's your mom, sister, best friend, coworker, roommate or all of the above, these are the people you can reach out to when you're overwhelmed by your feelings. Because it's hard to adjust to not talking to your ex like you did when you were dating, keep in mind that texting others can help bridge that gap. For example, if you need help with something logistical you can reach out to a roommate or a friend.
Consider to have added support in the place that you see your ex. If that means you have to tell your professor that you and your ex have split and you need a new seat, or a new partner for a project, they will most likely understand. Something as simple as sitting in a new place where you can't directly see your ex can help a lot. If you and your ex are coworkers, you could talk to your manager and potentially be scheduled at different times. People most often want to help you and will be flexible with you if you tell them what is going on.
02Practice self-care.
Develop an impeccable self-care routine that you can turn to when things get unexpectedly hard, says Galt. If you can't escape your ex because they work the same 9 to 5 as you or you live together, consider the moments of relief that you have away from them.
For example, if you don't have a ton of alone time at home, consider developing a new relaxing hobby that you can escape to when the feelings are too intense. New hobbies could include a simple walk or jog in the morning or joining a book club. If you see your ex at work, make sure that you cultivate an extra special sense of safety at home and in your routine.
Self-care, according to Galt, can act like a security blanket to comfort you when things are especially difficult. Self-care looks different for everyone. What it comes down to is meeting your own needs, so that can mean doing your laundry or making sure you have a clean room to come home to. It can mean finally hanging those pictures you've been meaning to hang in order to make your space feel like home. It can also be as simple as showering and brushing your teeth every morning at the same time to cultivate a pattern. When your life seems to have exploded and you crave the normalcy you had before your breakup, having an established pattern can provide some relief in terms of finding familiarity in your day.
03Consider your options.
Space is vital to healing, according to Galt. If you see your ex every day right now, don't beat yourself up for the decisions that led you to this point. For instance, if you live together, don't be hard on yourself for moving in together in the first lace. Things change and breakups happen all the time. You made a decision that was right for you at the time, and you can be proud of that.
The best thing that you can do for yourself is be gentle and take things one day at a time. When the pain of the breakup lessens enough for you to take stock of your options, sit down with a trusted friend, or loved one, and consider ways to get space from your ex. If you and your ex have a decent post-breakup relationship, consider sitting down and talking with them about your options for getting the most time apart. Both of you could work together to maximize your healing. If you and your ex aren't on good terms, you definitely don't have to talk with them about getting space, but they should respect your boundaries if you establish what you need to heal.
04Give yourself time.
Time heals all wounds, according to Galt. Even if you have to see your ex everyday, there will be a time in the future when you aren't hurting as much as you are now. The scar and memory of this breakup may stay with you for a long time, but you will find it possible to feel better and move forward from this. When the going is rough and you cannot stand the fact that you and your ex have class together everyday, just remember that there will come a time when those classes are over. There will come a time when your lease ends. There will come a time when you won't have to see this person so frequently. Being gentle and tender go a long way when your heart feels like it's broken into multiple pieces.
Remember that you're not alone in this pain. Love is a hard thing to lose. Hearts are hard to mend — but not impossible. Hopefully these tips can help you get to a place where you feel better and things start to look brighter. Even if it doesn't seem like it right now, you are going to be OK.
Check out the entire Gen Why series and other videos on Facebook and the Bustle app across Apple TV, Roku, and Amazon Fire TV.
Check out the “Best of Elite Daily” stream in the Bustle App for more stories just like this!
