One of the hardest parts of dating is getting the vibe right on that first date (or second or third). It's such a delicate feat to pull off because you both have to be in the right headspace and also feel similarly about each other. If you were really feeling that vibe with someone on a date, enough to ask them out again, getting a rejection text after the date can be a tough freaking pill to swallow. If you recently got a rejection text after a date, it can feel like a huge blow to your self-esteem. But know this: A rejection text may actually pay off in the long run.
It can also be quite easy to snowball this experience into the amalgamation of other rejections. Even though it can be hard, try to refrain from baking a loaf of rejection bread. This my phrase for when I take all of my rejections from different dating interactions and mix them into one really bummer mood. This one rejection isn't representative of your overall worth. It's actually really incredible that you're putting yourself out there, and that should be celebrated.
If you're feeling sore about being turned down — that's OK. Allow the following affirmations to soothe your bruised heart until you're ready to get back on the horse.
This is not a reflection of your worth.
It can be easy to fold a rejection into a binder of experiences. Additionally, it can be tempting to stack these moments up and ruminate on feeling like you're not good enough. Consider that your date may have just not felt a spark or not be over an ex! You have so much to offer a relationship and this one instance of rejection doesn't represent any larger deficit in your worthiness.
You can't be everyone's type every time.
This is one of my favorite quotes when it comes to rejection. It reminds you that people have very specific and random preferences when it comes to their dating life. You can be hot, kind, and funny, but someone still might not be interested — and that's OK. It doesn't mean you're not the juiciest peach.
The other person has an iceberg of other stuff going on.
I was recently turned down by a person that I really liked. It really hurt because I was super interested in them and they were definitely my type. I saw them tweet later on that they weren't over an ex and it made me feel a lot better. I had no idea they had been dating someone in the first place, so it helped me put the rejection into perspective and realize that actually had nothing to do with me.
This means that you're putting yourself out there and that's awesome.
When it comes to learning, growing, and getting where you want to go — it all takes work. If you're bummed about being rejected, there's an incredible grain of hope at the core of this experience that you should hold close: you're trying. You're going after what you want, and that's absolutely incredible. New York Times Best-Selling Author of Daring Greatly, Brené Brown, says that "staying vulnerable is a risk we have to take if we want to experience connection." You're doing the tough work of trying to connect with someone, and that should be celebrated.
This will be great for you in the long run.
Consider that this person respects you enough to be honest and direct with you about what they're thinking. Although it may hurt right now and you're certainly allowed to be sad about it, you don't have to be strung along by this person because you have a straightforward answer. And you will be better off in the long run because of that.
If you've recently been rejected, try to take time for yourself and doing what makes you feel better. Whether that's watching some rom-coms or catching up with friends — it can feel good to put yourself first, because you deserve it. Remember that dating isn't a race, and that the right person is out there, as soon as you feel ready.
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