No matter how compatible you are with a partner, it's essentially impossible to avoid getting into fights from time to time. If, however, your fighting is so frequent that it's getting in the way of enjoying your time together, this could mean that something's not quite right in your relationship. To decrease how often you fight, it's important to realize that having differing opinions on things might not be the crux of the issue.
I spoke with best-selling author and NYC dating expert Susan Winter to get some tips on how much fighting is too much fighting, and to see if she had any strategies up her sleeve that might help couples lessen the amount of conflict in their relationships.
"Frequent conflict becomes a problem when it’s chronic," Winter tells Elite Daily. "This means there’s no conflict resolution occurring within the relationship construct."
The most effective way to resolve conflict may vary from person to person, but it's important to take the time to figure out how you and your SO can best deal with disagreements both as individuals and as a team. If the increasing frequency of your fights is a prolonged issue, here are some ways to help keep things chill.
01Choose your battles wisely.
"I’m a firm believer of picking your battles wisely in a relationship," says Winter. "Not every point of irritation or difference of opinion is worth a disagreement or fight."
Getting annoyed by your bae is totally normal, but making a big deal out of something relatively inconsequential is a sure-fire way to turn a small thing into a big disagreement.
"Ask yourself, 'How important is it?'" suggests Winter. "This is the surest method of eliminating needless bickering."
02Take some time for yourself.
"All relationships require a balance of ‘couple time’ and ‘me time,'" explains Winter. "When was the last time you went to the gym? When was the last time you saw your friends, took the time to read a book, or just did what you want to do?"
If you and your SO are butting heads a lot, it could be that you are spending a bit too much time together.
Try scheduling some more time for yourself. It might be just the thing to avoid the needless bickering that often results from over-exposure.
03Make sure your partner's needs and wants aren't over-taking your own.
"Being in a partnership can mean losing our own balance in the process of loving another," says Winter. "This is the root cause of many arguments. Fortunately, we do have the ability to adjust that aspect of our relationship so that all benefit."
If you're always going to see the movies they want to see, or always hanging out with their friends, this is something that definitely warrants a conversation. Balance in relationships is so important.
04Make sure your communication style is healthy.
When it comes to avoiding and resolving unnecessary conflict, adequate communication plays a huge role.
"The best way to establish healthy communication is to do so from the very beginning," says Winter.
If you're not sure how to set the stage for productive dialogues, Winter recommends setting aside some time to discuss your "needs and wants" and "how you function in a relationship."
"Establishing your values and relationship goals in advance eliminates much of the needless conflict couples experience while in partnership," explains Winter.
Frequent fighting can easily turn into an exhausting pattern. But if you are both willing to make adjustments, then there are steps you can take to decrease how often you butt heads. You'll both be much happier in the long run, trust.
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