Here's How To Respond When Someone Flakes Out On Your Dating App Convo
Ugh.
It doesn't always happen, but sometimes you start messaging someone on a dating app and you just click. You and your match seem to have endless things to talk about. The conversation never lags. A date with this match seems imminent — until suddenly, your match gives you nothing but radio silence. Though I can't explain why the heck your Bumble or Tinder match stopped responding when the convo was going so well, I can tell you this: There are ways to deal besides simply moving on. It's possible to resurrect a conservation that's fizzled out, so don't fret — you and that match may still have a chance.
Of course, the question is how to get that match's attention again without seeming needy or, worse, accusatory. I spoke to online dating expert Julie Spira, who pointed out that you're likely competing for your match's attention with several others — not to mention everything else going on in their life — so try not to take their inattentiveness personally. "Remember that the person you're chatting with is most likely messaging with a dozen or more others, in between swiping to match with another bunch of fresh faces to add to the queue," Spira says. Relationship and online dating expert Jess Carbino also weighed in on how to naturally get back into the flow of talking to your match. If you want to get back on your match's radar, try some of these approaches.
Avoid The Temptation To Demand An Explanation
Whether you've been messaging for a week or for a month, it's a bummer when a match suddenly flakes on your convo. However, that doesn't mean you're owed an explanation, especially if you and this person have never even been on a date. Life is unpredictable, and your dating app match could have plenty of reasons for not messaging you back that have nothing to do with you. Do you deserve to know that reason? Not necessarily.
"When this happens, and it will, the best thing you can do is not put them on the defense and demand an exclamation of why they ghosted you, or tell them that you're going to unmatch with them if they've lost interest," Spira explains. Getting indignant is far more likely to send your match running than make them willing to rekindle your convo.
Defuse The Awkwardness
According to Carbino, if your Hinge match stopped responding and feels embarrassed about it, this could delay their follow-up even further if they believe it is too late to continue the conversation. To help ease your match’s guilt and resolve the ultimate awkwardness that has formed between you two, you can use humor to lighten the mood a bit.
“I think humor is often a way to really defuse a situation that can seem awkward,” Carbino tells Elite Daily. “If indeed someone genuinely did not respond not due to a lack of interest but rather because they were busy, overwhelmed, tired, or missed a message, they may feel also embarrassed responding in a period of time that they deem to be too late. So, by diffusing the situation through humor and making a joke based on something that was said prior, you can re-engage someone.”
Wait A Week, Then Send A Casual Message
Give your match at least a week to respond before you go on red alert. Even if you're feeling panicked that you haven't heard back, you should try to avoid revealing your concern. This will put unnecessary pressure on the conversation and will most likely put an end to the easy banter you two once had. In fact, you probably don't want to even mention the time that has passed since their last response. Your best move: Strike up a casual convo as though no time has passed at all.
"What I recommend is sending a fun text after about one week," Spira advises. If you two share a favorite band or TV show, you can ask their thoughts on a new song and episode. If they mentioned an upcoming trip, you can ask how it went. You can even just ask how they're doing and whether anything funny has happened to them lately. I guarantee your match would prefer a casual question over a heated demand about why they've been ignoring you.
Know When To Let Them Go
One of two things is going to happen once you reach out to an MIA match: They'll respond, or they won't. Any response will feel like a victory, but the length and enthusiasm of their message can determine whether they're messaging you out of obligation or genuine interest. As Spira points out, if they "respond with a very brief message without any commitment attached," it's possible they're replying to be polite but aren't too invested in you. But if they give a warm reply, send a message that invites a response, or — best case scenario — apologize for dropping the ball earlier, you two might have a chance of getting a convo going again.
If your match doesn't reply at all, I'm sorry to say that it's game over for that person. "If they continue to pull a Casper on you, let them go," Spira says. "No one should have to chase after someone who has lost interest because, at the end of the digital day, you have options as well." It's never easy to give something up, but if they fail to respond to not one, but two messages, they're probably not worth your time.
The best thing and worst thing about dating apps is actually the same: There are so many potential matches out there. When you're juggling so many different people and conversations at once, it's easy to let a good one slip through the cracks. As Spira points out, "Chats that begin with excitement and seem promising often end abruptly if the momentum is lost and someone else catches their digital eye." But even if your match allows your convo to lose momentum, don't be afraid to give them a nudge. You might just help them see what they're potentially missing out on.
Experts:
Julie Spira, online dating expert
Jess Carbino, relationship and online dating expert
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