In an ideal world, we'd hope that we'd find our soulmates, immediately fall deeply in love with them and then live the rest of our lives together totally and completely enamored by one another. But, unfortunately, that's not the way the story goes. OK, well — to be fair — sometimes that really is how the story goes. Other times, you fall in love and something big happens — maybe you fall out of love, or maybe the pressures of a long-distance relationship are too great. You can also still be totally in love but the relationship isn't working. Anyone who’s been there knows that can be the worst feeling.
Hear me out on this. When you’re in love and your partner somehow betrays you, it sucks. But you also are left with a concrete reason to move on. There’s a concrete breaking point. There’s a reason to dislike someone you once loved. Things become a little murkier when your partner doesn’t do anything wrong. And when you’re feelings haven’t changed. The relationships in which circumstance is the only thing driving the two of you apart can oftentimes be the most difficult ones to overcome. In a recent Reddit AskWomen thread, ladies share their experiences going through this and, more importantly, their best advice for how to get through it.
Yes! My ex I dated in senior year of college was wonderful and we had a lot in common, but I knew it wasn't going to work out because we wanted to be in different locations after graduation and I'm a year older than him, so we were unsure if he'd ever be able to move to my location. He ended up in Missouri and we still chat about music occasionally and I wish the absolute best for him, he deserves to be happy. I missed him for a month or so after we broke up but we were no contact until 5-6 months after that so once we both were over our old feelings I think we're comfortable chatting like acquaintances now every month or so. He's a great guy and he's going to make someone else very happy :)
Yup, I recently broke up with my ex and struggling with this right now. What helped me was realizing that if I had to choose between getting married and raising a family and the person that I love who didn't want commitment, I wanted a family more than I wanted to be with him. I just couldn't give up my lifelong dream. I'm still struggling with the decision, but I know it was the right decision for my future self.
Started talking to this guy and he was sooo dreamy and a good cook and very thoughtful. I’m a hopeless romantic and this guy was it. After dating casually for a few months, I realized that it wouldn’t work out because we are motivated differently. He was very chill and worked as a server (nothing wrong with that) but wasn’t inspired to grow in life. I couldn’t have someone like that in my life - I’m wired differently. I ended things and it sucked because we gained mutual friends. I found it best to move on by not communicating with him. When we’d run into each other at bars and parties we’d definitely flirt but we both respected that what was done is done and there’s no going back.
This happened to me. My bf of 1 year and I broke up last night because things just wouldn't work with how our lives are.
I don't pretend everything was perfect, if it was we'd still be together. But the fact is, even though we got along, even though we never fought, it didn't work and that's okay. There is no, "it should have" and somehow even though the break up is fresh, I'm okay with that. May as well end it when things are still neutral rather than when we are fighting all the time.
Was really getting along with a guy I met online. We seriously hit it off even with a large age difference (about 15 years). We talked all the time and really clicked. I had done long distance relationships before but we were of a different religion and he would not date a non-Jewish girl. We stayed friends for a bit after that conversation but after awhile it faded. I looked him up years later and found out he never got married, had a stroke, and now has to live with his parents who care for him.
I once clicked with this guy our mutual friend introduced me to. He checked so many of my boxes (smart, charismatic, funny, into video games, could cook, was taking care of his own life) that I was blindsided by my infatuation with him. We had a VERY brief fling before I realized that he wasn’t looking for anything serious and i don’t casual date - I’m a long story sort of person. So we let it fizzle out and left it there. That was a year ago, he has since moved to another state for a job opportunity, and occasionally I wonder “what if”. In the long run, I’m happy I didn’t let it go any further and that I’m a “cards on the table” sort of person when it comes to dating. I’m looking for a life partner, someone to build a life, home, and family with. Never be afraid to let others know where your boundaries and deal breakers are before weaving yourselves together.
Ending someone you're still in love with always be difficult but, if these ladies are any indication of what's to come, you'll definitely find your way through the heartache.
This post was originally published on Sept. 13, 2018. It was updated on Aug. 21, 2019 by Candice Jalili.
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