Being in an on-again, off-again relationship can lead you to question whether or not it's really worth returning every single time. Are you at the point where you can't stop thinking: should we break up for good? That question is likely on your mind for a particular reason. While being comfortable with someone who knows you emotionally, intellectually, and physically is hard to give up, there are plenty of reasons you should consider ending a fickle relationship, once and for all.
I was once in an on-and-off relationship that lasted all of four years. Honestly, ending it for good was one of the best decisions I've ever made. I no longer felt like I had to leave my schedule open for them. I moved to new cities, and explored career opportunities that they probably would have look down on. I dated new people, and came out as pansexual. I'm unsure of how things would've turned out for me over the past couple of years, if I were still in that relationship. There were definitely signs that neither of us wanted to keep repeating that same cycle. For starters, a future between us began to seem less and less like something I could actually imagine. Additionally, they were vague about what being long-distance after college would look like. We broke up a week after graduating.
Here are the signs that your on-and-off relationship may need to be called off for good according to multiple relationship experts.
You saw other people when you were "off" — and them seeing other people doesn't make you jealous at all.
“In a healthy relationship, this thought should leave you upset and unsettled, but if you are out of love, you essentially do not care," Alessandra Conti, celebrity matchmaker for Matchmakers In The City, told Elite Daily.
After some time apart from your partner, you two may have seen other people. If the idea of them with another person – even if you were technically broken up at that time – doesn't make you slightly jealous or uncomfortable, it may be that you're fine with them seeing other people. If you're OK with that, maybe you've moved on from the relationship for good.
You imagine yourself single or with other people.
“[If] there's a palpable emptiness in the relationship, and you find yourself fantasizing about ways you can leave them,” NYC relationship expert Susan Winter told Elite Daily, that's a huge sign you shouldn't be in a relationship. Don't you have the desire to want to be with your partner? If you're day dreaming about no longer being in your relationship, that may be your mind giving you the not-so-subtle suggestion to GTFO.
You're not as physically into them as much as you once were.
Winter said that if "the idea of having sex with your partner feels like a chore," then it may be time to switch things up. Yes, it's perfectly normal for long-term couples to go through sexual ruts, but if you repeatedly find yourself feeling unattracted to your partner, you may want to consider talking to each other and trying new things in the bedroom and sharing new fantasies.
They're condescending toward your hobbies and career goals.
One of my biggest personal pet peeves is when others make fun of the things I like. I can trace this sentiment back to when my ex and his family treated my writing like it was not academic enough. For someone in an on-and-off relationship, your hobbies and passions may ebb and flow as you grow older. If you no longer share common interests as you two break up and get back together, maybe try finding new things you enjoy doing together. But remember, your partner shouldn't make fun of things you enjoy that they don't.
Long-term relationships can be difficult, and if you truly love someone, it's possible to make it work. But if you recognize one or more of these warning signs, it may be time to start a dialogue with your partner about the future of your relationship. As long as you're aware of these signs, communicative with your partner, and want it to work, the relationship can survive.
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