Should You Text Your Ex On Valentine's Day? An Expert Weighs In

Valentine's Day is around the corner, and it's arguably one of the most intense times of the year when it comes to dating, relationships, and romance. There can be a lot of pressure surrounding this holiday, no matter your relationship status. The thing is, there is no perfect way to celebrate, and you're under no obligation to do so. If the upcoming love-fest is triggering memories of past relationships, you might be wondering if you should text your ex on Valentine’s Day. The short answer, according to Trina Leckie, breakup coach and host of the podcast breakup BOOST, is that you should think carefully before sending any messages.

If you're debating whether or not you should text your ex, it’s best to examine your motivations for doing so. If you have some unresolved feelings or are missing them, it might help to discuss it with a friend, according to Leckie. If your motivations are simply to wish them well or tell them that you appreciate them, then it could be a nice message to send.

It's actually pretty normal to consider texting your ex on Valentine's Day, though, because exes can be a big part of our lives even if they're not our partners anymore. Gisele, 23, tells Elite Daily, "There is always that lingering feeling that maybe they will text me or that maybe I should [text them] because I really did care about them a lot."

If you do hit send, make sure that you don't have high expectations for their response. Valentine's Day is a particularly sensitive and emotional day for some people, and even if you and your ex are on great terms, they may need space on a holiday all about romantic feelings.

When you're tempted to text an ex on Valentine's Day, it's crucial to consider the context of your breakup and current terms. Here’s what to keep in mind.

When It's OK To Text Your Ex

The main way to figure out if it would be OK to send the text is if you and your ex have developed a respectful and kind dynamic after your breakup. If you talk often already, it can be a simple message of caring or appreciation for them.

If you and your ex are on good terms and in a friendly place, it might be totally fine to send them a message saying you’re thinking of them. A text could be a welcome sentiment, especially if it’s a simple gesture of goodwill. The hard part is figuring out how your ex might interpret it.

When You Should Hold Off

It makes sense that feelings surrounding a past relationship might come up for you on Valentine's Day. But if you things ended badly, and there may still be hurt feelings, Leckie recommends against reaching out.

If you text your ex on V-Day, and you aren't on great terms, there's a risk that your ex may think you want them back, Leckie tells Elite Daily, “especially if the person who you are texting is feeling down or lonely because it is Valentine’s Day."

If you and your ex aren't on great terms, Leckie recommends that you prioritize other relationships in your life on this holiday so that you aren't solely focusing on memories of your ex. "Do something special for a friend or family member to brighten their day instead,” she says. “It will be more appreciated and not carry any risk of pain.”

An ex can be a significant part of your life, and it makes sense that you’re tempted to reach out on a holiday that celebrates close personal relationships. Luckily, the temptation is likely to pass after Valentine's Day is over. You could always consider waiting a day or two after the holiday to see if the desire to text them is still there, and if it is, then you know that you aren't solely motivated by V-Day.