When you're getting down with someone, it's no secret that things can take an awkward turn pretty fast. Weird sounds, bad angles, things going soft... you get the picture, it happens! And while many of these things can definitely feel like the end of the world in the moment, most of them are quickly forgotten. But sometimes, the awkward things that happen during sex are far worse than just a queef here or a drunken burp there.
Some sex things are so mortifying that aborting the mission and jumping out of the nearest window to escape the situation seems like a legit option. Of course, most mature adults know that sh*t happens, but sadly, that does nothing to ease the awkwardness of trying to escape with what dignity you have left. But if it makes you feel any better, chances are that most of the embarrassing moments you've experienced with someone during sex don't even begin to compare to the borderline urban myths on the worldwide web. Because what's the point of the internet if you can't use it to anonymously vent about sexual experiences that didn't quite go according to plan? Courtesy of reddit, here are nine of the most awkward things that have pretty much ever happened to people during sex. Prepare to squirm.
Sometimes Your Smooth Move Completely Backfires
My girlfriend my sophomore year in college and I were messing around on my bed. I tried to do some champ move of lifting her legs straight up and pulling her pants off in one move. She wasn't that flexible, so as her pants flew off her legs came down hard into my chest knocking me backwards off my bed. I landed on my back on a dumbbell I had on the floor and fractured a rib.
— Jeffuary
Sometimes You Have Unwelcome Guests
I was in bed with this girl, having a great time. The bedroom door nudges open and I'm thinking 'WTF is that?' So I'm looking around, no sign of her kids, but then there's this THUD and her fucking PITBULL jumps up on the bed. She giggles and says he gets worried when she moans, he thinks she's in pain and comes to protect her. My balls are swinging in the wind and there is a fucking PITBULL behind me!
I figure the dog will just lie down, or go away (please go away) so we get back to it - and then I feel the one sensation that is guaranteed to put your testicles in your armpits. The dog's wet nose sniffs my nutsack. I nearly screamed.
Many years ago I was inside my gf in my bed. I hear my mom come home and walk up the stairs. We both pretend to be napping/relaxing, and my mom comes into my room, sits on the bed and starts having a conversation with us about something menial (dinner/the weather). Meanwhile I an still inside my gf and we are both naked under the covers, which she realizes half way through our 5 minute convo.
Sometimes Your Partner Gets A Little Too Honest
My first time with my then new boyfriend was on his birthday. He had just slipped on the condom and everything was going well until he blurted out, "I cannot wait to get you pregnant."
Sometimes You Just Aren't On The Same Page
I had started seeing a guy who was basically a rebound for a long term relationship. We were having sex one night about 3 weeks into seeing each other.
we're having sex and he goes "I love you." I hope it's a drunken thing he blurted out on accident so I completely ignore it. After a couple of silent second he asks "Do you love me too?" I am drunk and freaked out and blurt out "I don't know....maybe?" But it's obvious the answer is no. He rolls off me and starts crying. Not kind of sad or anything but full blown cries, he's practically sobbing. I had no idea what to do and rubbed his back for a little while. It was the weirdest thing of my life.
Sometimes You Have Accidents
I had just come to the realization that I am gay and like older men. I start getting to know this older man who is intimidating with how successful he is and I decide to meet him. I was new to the whole anal sex thing and did not really know what to expect.
After some wine we end up in bed, he is patient and very gentlemanly like, which makes what is coming all the more horrifying...with all that pressure I feel the need to fart and had no idea I should be very careful about this after having sex...so I basically shart on his expensive sheets. I am beyond mortified and feel like climbing into a hole to die, he brushes it off and says it is laundry day anyhow.
— Jwaness
I went out drinking and brought a girl home. We had been flirting for a while and were both pretty drunk. She was going down on me, everything's all good, then she leans over and pukes all over me, my bed and my clothes. She tried to pass it off like nothing had happened. I didn't want to embarrass her but I couldn't handle it, I mean there was puke everywhere and she's acting like it didn't happen. I called her a cab and never saw her again.
Sometimes The Wires Get Crossed
OK, so I have a tiny shower in my apartment, and me and my then-boyfriend (who was neither a grower nor a shower) decided to shower together. As we're finishing up (we never had sex), he says, "Well, it's small, but it does the trick." And I said, "I haven't had sex in a long time, so that's good to hear." There was about ten solid seconds of "wait, what?" and then me trying to apologize without making it worse.
Sometimes, life forces you to deal with what feels like some of the worst, most cringeworthy situations. But if you're lucky, these situations involve people you never have to see again. You can just block it out and pretend it never happened. And even if you can't, try and find comfort in the fact that your partner probs didn't care (or didn't even notice) anyways. Weird sex things are part of hooking up, and if the person you're doing the deed with can't accept that, then maybe they don't deserve to be hooking up with you. On to the next!
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