14 Women Reveal Why They Didn't Date Their Friends With Benefits, & It Makes Sense
The entertainment industry has presented the "friends with benefits turned long-term relationship" narrative as the modern day love story. Don't get me wrong, I love movies like Friends with Benefits and No Strings Attached, but those movies have trained us to believe that the goal of any real FWB situation is for it to eventually develop into a romantic relationship. And that's just not true. In fact, I would go so far as to say that, in most cases, there are plenty of reasons not to date friends with benefits.
I mean, I get the logic behind the whole "dating your FWB" school of thought. The person is someone you're attracted to enough to have sex with, and you like their personality enough to refer to them as a friend. But, alas, life isn't always that simple. You can have both of those things and still have absolutely no desire to actually be in a relationship with this person. And that's totally fine! In a recent Reddit AskWomen thread, ladies shared the reasons why they didn't date their FWBs. If you've ever found yourself in the same situation, you'll totally relate.
Her standards for a boyfriend are WAY higher than her standards for a FWB.
My requirements for a fwb are attractiveness, good sex, cleanliness, being sexually responsible and std free. My requirements for a guy I'd actually date are far less superficial and much harder to meet.
They had nothing in common with each other.
He was a good friend, great in bed, gorgeous... but we had basically nothing in common except that. I don’t want to date someone like that.
She was focusing on herself.
I wasn't looking to be in a relationship. I just wanted to have fun and focus on myself.
She knew dating him would be a "nightmare."
Because he was fun to f*ck and go drinking with but he'd have been a nightmare to date.
They're both independent people.
We live in different cities, she travels often and while we get along really well/are good friends we both enjoy doing our own things. I don't know if we'd work out in the long term either.
Honestly I don't really know what I want in a partner right now and my life is in a sort of limbo till I can find work post uni or move.
They tried the relationship thing and it didn't work for them.
For me, we tried the relationship thing but it just never worked out, but I couldn't give up the sex it was that good.
The arrangement worked for a while and we were both happy but then the emotions got involved and it got complicated again.
There were a million red flags.
He was mopey while refusing to say anything about why he was mopey. His music taste was questionable. He told me he "doesn't read". He had two active OKCupid profiles. Trying to get him to leave the house was nearly impossible.
She has trouble committing.
I have commitment issues and it's very rare for me to like someone enough to want to date them. I've only met one person I liked enough and we were together for a few years.
They came with baggage that she didn't want in her life.
Two of them lived in another county and had jobs/kids that I wouldn't want to deal with as a gf but as a fwb I didn't have to care at all.
She wanted to gain sexual experience before entering a LTR.
I was young and wanted sexual experience before dating. I think this is healthy, to experience people and know what you like.
The only thing they had was their sexual chemistry.
We had excellent sexual chemistry and absolutely nothing in common.
They didn't have the same future goals.
We didn't work romantically. Our goals for the future didn't match. He wanted kids, I didn't and can't, I have more drive to move up in my field, he's content with his entry level position, I'm a very spiritual person, which he doesn't understand and doesn't really intend to. None of these things were huge red flags that would have made me stay away from him entirely, but were definitely relationship deal breakers
Their work situation gets in the way of them ever actually dating.
We work together and can not date, but we are drawn to each other. We’ve talked about it and both love our jobs and aren’t willing to give them up to be together. So, we f*ck. And if we meet other people, we go for it. When we’re both single, we go for it.
If you and your FWB end up falling for each other and entering a real, bonafide relationship, more power to you! But just being friends with benefits — nothing more, nothing less — is OK, too. Just remember: As long as you and your partner are both happy with your situation, there is no "wrong" way to be together.
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