The True Definition Of Love In A Relationship, According To Experts

The biggest difference between being fond of someone and loving someone is being able to embrace them not only in spite of their faults, but because of them. As author and relationship expert Susan Winter previously told Elite Daily, “It's easy to 'love' someone. We overuse the word love, just like we overuse the word 'friend.' This term has been so watered down that most people with a fondness for someone are certain they love him or her."

According to her, it’s only when that love is unconditional that it’s real. “In love means that you've weathered the storms of your partner's negative qualities, and still choose to remain in the relationship," she added. "Your love is unconditional. It's all-inclusive as you accept the positive and the negative aspects of your mate."

Just as there is a fundamental difference between loving someone and being in love with someone, there is an important distinction between love and attachment. According to sex therapist and sexuality educator Kristen Lilla, it all comes down to the quality of the connection you have. “Being in love means there is a connection while being attached implies dependency,” she previously explained to Elite Daily.

When you have a connection based on love, you shouldn’t have any feelings of obligation. “I think it is important to ask yourself the question, ‘Do I have to be with this person, or do I get to be with this person?’” Lilla added. “If you feel like you have to be in a relationship, perhaps it is out of an attachment issue, but if you feel like you get to be with someone, and it is a privilege, you may be in love.”

Rather than giving you heart palpitations and sweaty palms, love should actually give you a sense of calm when you find the real thing. As Dr. LeslieBeth Wish, licensed clinical psychotherapist and founder of LoveVictory.com, previously told Elite Daily, true love should provide a feeling of peace and stability. “Healthy, lasting love finds its own ‘cruising gear’ where you feel fulfilled, happy, positive, and sure of your choice of partner,” she said.

If someone is constantly making you wait, keeping you guessing, or inspiring feelings of doubt in you, then chances are, what you have with them isn’t love. According to Dr. Wish, true love is all about comfort. “You are actually surprised at how calm you feel,” she said. “You are no longer jumping over the waves, but instead, you are wading and floating in a peaceful pool.”

One of the most important qualities of real, lasting love is respect that is mutually felt between partners. “[Respect] supersedes lust and puppy-dog love; respecting your partner is vital if you want your love to be a forever kind of love,” Alessandra Conti, matchmaker at Matchmakers in the City, previously explained. If it's true love, you and your partner will seek out each other's opinions on everything that is most important to you.

According to Conti, a relationship in which one or both partners loses respect is one that is no longer built on love. “When you find that you are loathing the person you are with because you feel like you are finally seeing them for who they truly are, this is a sign that the love spell is wearing off,” she said.

Though love ties you to another person, it shouldn’t keep you in a cage. Love should allow you to flourish in all areas of life, both independently and as a pair. "A meaningful marker of a relationship's health is observing what it brings out in you and in your life," clinical psychologist Dr. Rebekah Montgomery previously told Elite Daily. "When we are in healthy relationships, we are often happier and healthier.”

As well as having a more positive outlook on life, true love often pushes us to be our best selves, if only because loving and being loved makes us stronger. “Healthy relationships have that nice balance of making us feel accepted and challenging us to grow,” Dr. Montgomery added.