Tiffany Haddish Asked Leo DiCaprio To Hook Up, But Her One Condition Will Crack You Up

Tiffany Haddish is the greatest person on the planet and no one can convince me otherwise. It seems like every time the actress does an interview, she reveals some wild story about a party she attended (we still don't know #WhoBitBeyonce), and her most recent interview with Hollywood Reporter reveals a story involving none other than Leonardo DiCaprio. Tiffany Haddish's story about asking Leonardo DiCaprio to hook up has me S C R E A M I N G, and I'm pretty sure it'll go down as one of Haddish's best stories ever.

Haddish says the whole thing started when she and DiCaprio were at the same party a couple months ago. Haddish doesn't note where or when exactly this party was — all we know is Leo was there and, to paraphrase Haddish, she was ready. "Yeah, I met him at a party two, three months ago," she started, "and I asked him if he'd let me hit that." BOLD.

She continues,

He's like, 'Tiffany, you're so funny.' I'm like, 'I'm serious.' And then he goes, 'I mean, I'd do it, but …' I was like, 'Come on, wasn't you in a squad? The coochie squad or something?'

DiCaprio was part of a particular celeb squad consisting of him, Tobey Maguire, and Kevin Connolly that they called the "pussy posse." Sick name, bro... Let's forget about that forever now that we've acknowledged that Haddish referenced it. Moving on!

Haddish continued with the most hilarious part of the story. She said, "I told him, 'My only stipulation: I wanna do it with you as your character in What's Eating Gilbert Grape.'"

She wasn't kidding. She said, "He starts bustin' up laughin'. 'Why?' he asks, and I say, 'Cause I feel like that performance deserves a real reward and that reward is this.'" [Insert gestures to her own body here] Basically, her presence is a present, got it? Haddish continued,

He starts goin' into how he got into the role, how he worked with these kids and all this stuff, and I'm just listenin' and listenin', like, 'Mmm-hmm, mmm-hmm.' I finally go, 'All that's good, I just need to know, when's this gonna happen?'

It doesn't sound like they actually ended up hooking up, but this story is still amazing. What's Eating Gilbert Grape, in case you don't know your Leo history, earned DiCaprio his first Oscar nomination in 1994. We all know he famously didn't win any Oscars until The Revenant in 2016, so Haddish apparently wanted to give him a retroactive award for playing Arnie. This woman.

Fans are losing it over this story.

The interview also talks about #WhoBitBeyonce. Some fans are convinced the culprit was Sanaa Lathan, but these are just rumors. Neither Beyoncé, Haddish, Lathan, nor anyone else has confirmed the rumors that Lathan bit Beyoncé's cheek at a JAY-Z after-party in December. Actually, Lathan responded to the rumors in December saying, "Under no circumstances did I bite Beyonce."

When Haddish was asked about Lathan, she said, "I'm super good friends with her stepmom and her dad, and they were mad at me." She continued,

They were like, 'Why would you do this to the family? You know, black actresses, you guys have to stick together, it's so hard for you guys to get work as it is, why would you try to ruin her career?' But I didn't try to ruin her career. I never said her name! I was just trying to say how Beyoncé kept me from goin' to jail that night. I coulda just shut my whole career down.

Haddish also revealed that her spilling all this tea about other celebrities has gotten her invited to more parties than she can count. She said, "The other day, someone was saying, like, 'Oh my God, you should keep your mouth shut 'cause now you're never gonna be invited to parties,' but I got invited to way more parties after that." She said the number of parties people ask her to make an appearance at now is "ridiculous." Honestly, can you blame them?

"It's ridiculous how many parties," she said, adding, "'Can you come to my party?' 'Can you come to my thing?' They want me to talk about something at their thing 'cause they think, like, 'This is gonna put me back on if Tiffany says something.'" Well, considering the fact that nearly every time Haddish goes to a party, a story from said party ends up trending on Twitter, I'd say that's about right.