Until I joined dating apps and started seeing men kick off conversations with me with everything from "hi" to pickup lines too obscene to reprint here, I didn't even realize that men were quote-unquote "supposed" to make the first move, as dictated by decades or centuries or maybe even millennia of ingrained social norms. My mom made the first move on my dad by tapping him on the shoulder on a crowded dance floor and asking, "Don't I know you from somewhere?" (Way to go, Mom.) But outside singles' mixer dance parties in 1987, men typically send the first message on dating apps. And so when women get the ball rolling, a lot of guys really appreciate the gesture. What's the best first message to send a guy? Well, I asked a bunch of them.
According to the nine guys below, injecting a little humor into your first message is an awesome way to impress your match. Some guys vouched for the straightforward, sexual pickup line. Others recalled loving out-of-the-box, quirky statements that grabbed their attention because they were so unusual. And one even recommended messaging a simple "hey" to take the pressure off your match.
Whatever route you choose, know that sending the first message automatically makes you stand out from the crowd. And once you get into the habit of initiating conversations, you might never want to sit back passively ever again.
The line:
So, for our first date, I tried to get us reservations at the library... but they were all booked.
Why he liked it:
"Well, to start, it's a pun. It's got levity. It's cute. It's not gross. It's not boring. Sure, it's cheesy, but not TOO cheesy; more camembert, less brie. Using 'first' puts forth the innocuous assumption that, 'Hey, I maybe want this to go somewhere.' And finally, you know that adage, 'If you go home with them and they don't have any books, don't f*ck them'? A person using this line has books — or, at the very least, knows how to read. The line was so good, I've stolen it for myself."
— Ari, 24
The line:
I have a vagina.
Why he liked it:
"It was straightforward. No small talk. She expressed what she wanted by stating a fact."
— Matt, 24
The line:
Fun or future?
Why he liked it:
"It was original and I liked that she wanted to know up front what I was looking for."
— Elad, 27
The line:
I just regained my sight and the first thing I saw this match.
Why he liked it:
"I could use it as a pickup line, too. That's the perk of Bumble — no matter what, I get a girl-approved pickup line out of the match."
— Matt, 23
The line:
Hey.
Why he liked it:
"I'm a cool person, but I'm shy at first. I appreciated that she took initiative, even if it was really simple."
— Jose, 24
The line:
Can you hit me with your car?
Why he liked it:
"When was the last time someone asked you to hit them with your car? It just made me laugh. I sent her my number and we met for drinks the next weekend. She was funny. Funny is great."
— Connor, 23
The line:
You eat healthy, too. Going out to eat will be so easy! And I'd love to watch Game of Thrones with you all winter.
Why he liked it:
"It was a response to my bio. It showed promise, maybe a longing for something more than my body, and a possible companionship."
— Edwin, 26
The line:
I'm gonna ride your mustache.
Why he liked it:
"I thought it was funny."
— Nick, 24
The line:
On our first date, I’ll carve our initials into an oak tree because it’s the most romantic way to let you know I have a knife with me.
Why he liked it:
"I thought it was pretty clever, at least in my experience. We never went out, but he had my attention."
— Billy, 26
Gotta go, I'm gonna steal some of these lines for my next conversation.
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