I think in the first days or weeks after the breakup all I wanted was for him to be like, 'Wait, no I love you! I want to be with you!' But I kind of realized that was more of me not realizing that I deserve better and that he had already proven to me that he wasn't able to be a good boyfriend. I think I just wanted him to like be back for validation or to show that the whole relationship wasn't a waste or something.

— Jenn, 24

I was supposed to get back with my ex, but he never really changed. He cheated on me once when we were on our break, after we broke up he slept with my friend. He said he wanted to change, and asked for a year to do it. He'd text me every night. He'd send me nice messages.

I'm a strong believer in change, but he broke my trust and he really broke my heart. A week or two later he asked if I was ready to try this again. No I wasn't. How could I. How was it OK for him to move on that fast? How was it OK he was able to fix his sex coping mechanisms? I finally broke and I stood up for myself. He left. Blocked me on all platforms. Don't know whether that's childish or that's pain.

— excusemeihaveatheory

Boundaries are important. If I took them back after what happened, it would signal to them that what they did was OK or that it's OK to treat me badly if they're going to say sorry after. I had to be strong and set a boundary.

— Kim, 26

Yes, they were my first serious girlfriend. Yes, I came out to my family because I didn't want to hide them. Yes, we shared very similar world views and opinions and likes and dislikes. No, we are not getting back together.

We separated because they moved across the country.

Maybe they're willing to pretend that all those issues that plagued us when we were physically together don't exist when you're across the country, but I'm not. I remember. I remember driving myself crazy trying to think of ways to compromise, to make things work. So, no. Even when they come back to visit next year, no. We are not getting back together.

— jjml95

I dream about my ex from time to time but have no desire to get back with him. Honestly it might just be he had a bigger impact on your soul than you think or you still haven't resolved something about how you felt during that time.

— joleggett

It's been three years and no doubt: I don't want to ever get back together with him anymore. I'm at the point where there are 50 bad things about them that I can think of for every good memory of them/ thing they've done.

— woodwindy

I’ve seriously thought about asking my ex to flat out tell me he doesn’t love me anymore, [that] he doesn’t regret his decision to end things. Some days (like today) I think I need to hear that so I can just move on, but I also think he already told me those thing by dumping me (or at least that’s what I keep telling myself).

— drogonz

Tell yourself 'They ended it. I had no choice in that. They dictated that, made that choice unilaterally. Cool. I decide to get over this without them. They don't own that much of my head space, why are they living rent free on my thoughts? I'm stronger than this heartbreak.' Strength. It's in you.

— hr0wawayv33

Of course, if you're thinking you want to get back with your ex, only you know what feels right. Sometimes with enough open communication — trust, love, and respect can rebuild overtime But if your gut is telling you to leave your ex in the past, it's always OK to say Thank U, Next.