5 Ways To Attract New Friendships This Back-To-School Season
Ah, the good old days. Making new friends used to be as simple as walking up to a like-minded playground goer and saying, “Will you be my friend?” If the other party liked the cut of your jib (or the types of snacks your mom packed you) it was off to the races. Of course, making new friends when you’re older is a bit more complicated — even if you happen to still be in school. However, this back-to-school season, we’ve tapped manifestation expert Kathleen Cameron to advise on how to expand your horizons and make quality friendships. Follow this advice, and maybe you’ll find someone to hit the sandbox with.
Honestly Evaluate What Kind Of Friend You Are Now — And What Kind Of Friend You Want To Be
In order to set yourself up to attract new friendships, you have to first take an honest look at your current friendships and your role in them. How do you envision a new friend adding value to your life, and how will you add value to theirs? Journaling about your friendships as they stand now, and detailing what you’d like to add or change about it, will help you start to think about who you want to meet, and why.
“Who you are really matters,” Cameron says, “And who you think you are really matters. The concept of yourself that you have is everything.”
In other words, if you think you’re “bad” at making friends, you will be. If you believe you can only be friends with one type of person, that’s the person you will attract. And, if you have a narrow idea of what it takes to make a lasting, meaningful friendship, then that’s the sort of relationship you might find yourself in.
“Whatever your beliefs about yourself will perpetuate,” Cameron says. “The identity and concept of yourself that you hold is everything.”
Take An Inventory Of Your Relationships As They Stand Right Now
According to Cameron, in order to attract new friendships, you also have to acknowledge that the current friendships in your life are ones you’ve already attracted.
“Every friend, coworker, spouse, or relationship in your life has been brought to you based on attraction,” Cameron says.
Make a list of both the positive and not-so-positive friendships you have in your life currently. What do you love about the friendships you have that feel balanced, mutually supportive and healthy? What are the characteristics of the friendships that don’t fulfill you, or leave you feeling uncomfortable or emotionally neglected? Be as honest with yourself as possible; there are learnings to be had in what you’ll discover, both about your current friendships and about yourself.
“We don’t attract what we want, we attract what we are,” Cameron says. “If you’re somebody that’s insecure, you’re likely going to attract someone that is also insecure. If you grew up in conflict, you’re likely going to attract someone who is also in conflict. Once you do your own inner work, you can focus on attracting the people into your life that you actually want to attract.”
Find Something You’re Interested In First
After you’ve evaluated the current state of your friendships and your role within them, it’s time to get to the business of actually meeting new people. When you meet someone new, your first instinct might be to tag along to whatever they’ve got planned — it’s always fun to try something new, right?
While it’s certainly great to stay open-minded when trying to meet new people, finding something that you’re passionate about first is a surefire way to meet like-minded strangers who can eventually become friends. If you love nature, for example, search for a local hiking club and strike up as many conversations as you can on the trail. If you’re into live music, go to a show alone — odds are, there will be someone flying solo in the crowd, and maybe they’ll even be on their own friendship-seeking journey as well. Leading your friendship search with your own passions is a great way to cultivate new connections, and enjoy the process every step of the way.
Ask Questions — Lots Of Questions
One of the best ways to get to know the people around you is also one of the simplest: Ask them about themselves. It might seem overly simplistic, but being an active, engaged listener is actually a rarer quality than you might think, and one that can help someone you’re trying to befriend feel valued. Remember: Quality friendships aren’t just about shared interests or being at the right place at the right time; they’re about mutual support, trust, and an empathetic ear.
Don’t Get Discouraged When A New Friendship Doesn’t Work Out
Like many things in life, making new friendships is a numbers game. Not everyone you meet will become someone you know intimately and trust — and that’s okay. According to Cameron, you don’t actually lose if you meet someone and it doesn’t work out; ultimately, it’s a win because you tried to put yourself out there in the first place. She says that attracting fruitful new relationships is just like manifesting happiness, or a new career: You have to imagine yourself in the life and relationships you want, then act accordingly.
“You want to take aligned and inspired action,” Cameron says. If your attempt at a new friendship doesn’t pan out the way you wanted it to, that doesn’t mean you should stop trying. “[Having your dream life] is about bold action, persistence, discipline, perseverance, consistency and taking action.”
In other words, when it comes to making new friends, there’s always someone else to meet, provided you’re willing to make the first move and say hello.
