How Do I Find Hot Hookups These Days? Don’t Say Dating Apps

Q: I’m trying to have a sexy summer but the apps are terrible. I’m barely interested in anyone on Hinge or Bumble. How do I find hot casual sex without having to swipe endlessly? I’m not trying to be a pen pal. — Clare*

A: Hi Clare! When you figure out the answer to this, will you let me know? I’m joking... sort of. It’s tough being a horny single person these days. As Bustle reported in January, dating apps are in their flop era, and college students just aren’t using them like they were a few years ago.

If you and your friends are sick of swiping, you’re not alone, and you might be better off taking a break before you get bitter. (I say this as someone who’s mostly off the apps for the same reason: I got fed up with them.) You don’t need to force yourself to do something that feels joyless just for the sake of “putting yourself out there.”

Of course, that doesn’t solve the age-old problem of wanting hot sex and not knowing where to find it. Luckily, we’re entering the very best time of year to be hot and single: summertime. You’re drinking spritzes on patios, staying out later than usual, and wearing your sluttiest, most naked outfits out on the town. The vibe is carefree and sexy, and it’s the perfect moment to take advantage.

The meet-cute doesn’t feel feasible anymore. I think it’s time we bring that back.

May I recommend the approach I’ve been using in my own life? Stay open to possibilities. Dating apps created a new way to meet people, but sometimes I think we’ve started to forget they aren’t the *only* way to meet your next fling. The internet has become such a default forum for dating that the meet-cute doesn’t feel feasible anymore. I think it’s time we bring that back.

I’ve been challenging myself lately to say “yes” to surprises that come my way, from a friend setting me up with their co-worker to an invite to birthday drinks for someone I don’t know well. At bars, I’m making a point to look around for people I might want to talk to — and being brave enough to approach them. I’m going for walks without headphones (a struggle for my hyperactive brain) and lingering longer in communal spaces like coffee shops and the gym.

It’s not that I’m expecting to meet someone this way, but more that I’m ready in case it does happen. I also still have my app profiles — I’ve just taken the pressure off myself to spend time on them. If I match with someone and we go out, cool! If I don’t, I’m being fun and flirty in the real world, and that matters more than staring at a screen.

Flirt with everyone! Make prolonged eye contact. Go home with that hot person you met at the bar.

At dinner recently, I joked to a friend about my decision to use the apps less, “I’m still a slut, I just operate in person now.” And not to give you TMI, but this approach is working better than I expected. For the first time in recent memory, I feel like I’ve really stepped into my power, and it’s a feeling I want for everyone who is burned out on dating and wishes there was a better way.

Make a pact with your single friends (and me) that you’ll be a little braver this summer. Flirt with everyone! Make prolonged eye contact. Ask someone about the book they’re reading. Mingle at a friend-of-a-friend’s birthday party. Go home with that hot person you met at the bar (as long as you feel safe and take necessary precautions — the vibe is being feral, not reckless).

We’re done letting dating apps dictate our sex lives. Go be a slut in person... and write me back to tell me how it’s going.

*Name has been changed.

Dating, Decoded appears on Elite Daily once a month. Have a question for Sarah? Submit it here.