The Guy I’m Dating Said I Gave Him The Ick. What Now?

"Has a man ever told you you’ve given him the ick?" When Alianna DeMaria, 23, of San Diego, posed this question on TikTok on June 2, she never anticipated the explosive reaction it would trigger. She’d been in a four-month situationship with a guy who told her he was icked out by a purse haul she’d posted on social media. “We’d talked about pet peeves before, but he never used that phrase,” the 23-year-old from San Diego tells Elite Daily. “It’s completely different. Everyone knows that.”

She made a video asking her 97,000 followers for their read on the situation. “TikTok’s reaction to his comment did not disappoint,” she says. DeMaria’s video has almost 1 million likes and over 12,000 comments, including ones from influencers Tana Mongeau and Brooke Schofield, telling her to dump him. “Tell him only girls can have icks,” one user said.

That comment was a joke… kind of. “The ick” has become ubiquitous in pop culture, often used in lighthearted contexts — like a man who doesn’t capitalize his texts or swings his arms too high while walking. Until recently, according to the internet, having icks has been primarily for the girls. So what happens when men start using the term? For Gen Z women, the terminology suddenly doesn’t feel so silly anymore.

Icks Started Out As A Way For Women To Vent & Bond

Though the tone of her video was funny, DeMaria felt hurt by her situationship’s reaction. The purse haul had taken vulnerability to post because it showcased her personality, and she felt like he was co-opting the term to target a stereotypically feminine hobby she loved. Many of her followers agreed. “If he got the ick from a ‘personality video’ run girl!” one commenter said. “Be yourself and if he’s not about it he can gooooooo.”

It might sound silly — because it is — but the ick gives us some of the power back.

While #DatingTok and Love Island may have sensationalized the term (it even has roots in Sex and The City, where it was used as an episode title), the concept of the "ick" started as something women used jokingly to navigate the famously challenging landscape of dating men. “It’s become this little joke for the girls during our debriefs about our dating lives,” says Candice Maniga, content manager of the Betches U Up? podcast.

Bonding over funny experiences (like getting the ick from hearing someone’s weird sneeze) can ironically make the landscape feel more bearable. “So much of dating feels like women still don’t have the power,” Margot, 22, a social media strategist in San Francisco, tells Elite Daily. “And it might sound silly — because it is — but the ick gives us some of the power back.”

When Someone Goes After Your Passions, It’s Personal

When Sarah, a 25-year-old recruiter from Austin, Texas, saw DeMaria’s viral video, she said something clicked. “It was right after this guy I was seeing told me my love for Taylor Swift and Sabrina Carpenter gave him the ick,” she tells Elite Daily. This ultimately led her to end the relationship, even if she initially thought he was joking. "That was the moment I realized we weren't aligned," she says. "He acted like he needed to be with someone with more highbrow interests, but guess what? I just f*cking love pop culture."

Mandy, a 24-year-old accountant from Chicago, has a similar story. “I once had a man tell me that posting political activist stories on Instagram had given him the ick,” she says. “His judgments about something I’m passionate about actually made me end things."

Michaela, a 23-year-old graduate student from Dayton, Ohio, has observed a disturbing transformation of TikTok's "ick" trend. Initially, she says, she’d see girls humorously posting videos like, “When he only has one pillow, ick!” as a way to bond with each other. However, these lighthearted posts have now taken on a darker tone due to harsh comments from men. “Watch any video about girls talking about their icks, and comments will say stuff about a girl’s looks in retaliation,” says Michaela.

What started as a playful language among girls to express solidarity might have lost its innocence online, largely due to its widespread misinterpretation. “The ‘ick’ has evolved into an umbrella term for anything — and everything — you don’t like about someone to stop dating them,” Maniga says.

The Context Of The Comment Is Everything

While it could be blamed on a good ole’ case of semantic change, Bumble’s certified sex and relationship expert Shan Boodram says this could be evidence of a larger societal issue — one in which things branded as feminine (like purse hauls or Taylor Swift songs) are more likely to be ridiculed or devalued. “That’s why it’s so important to recognize and challenge this behavior,” she tells Elite Daily. A healthy relationship is one where both partners respect and accept each other's passions and interests, even if they don't always share them.

If a man wants to be with you, nothing you feel passionate about will be a turnoff for him.

It’s also worth mentioning that the digital age has made it easier for people to share their deal-breakers publicly — so while it might feel like many men are getting the ick for sinister reasons, that’s not always the case. Amanda, 22, says she and her boyfriend use the term playfully, like when he orders an IPA (“They’re gross!”) or when she orders oysters (“Delicious,” in her opinion; not so much in his). “If he used the word for anything more serious than that, I don’t think we’d be together.”

The irony in DeMaria’s video is that this man’s pronouncement of an ick was, in itself, a deal-breaker for many commenters. “It made me realize that if a man wants to be with you, nothing you feel passionate about will be a turnoff for him,” DeMaria says.

Consider it the golden rule of dating: Never change who you are for someone. If your collection of Taylor Swift merch is an ick for someone, he’s not the guy for you — and his jokes could be hiding some deeper red flags. But if he’s weirded out by something silly that doesn’t matter so much? He’s allowed to use the term in moderation.

"Honestly, when men use the term 'the ick,' it gives me the ick," Mandy says. "Let us have this one thing, for once.”