4 Lesbians Share How WLW Porn Has Impacted Their Sex Lives

People watch porn for so many reasons — to get off (obviously), relax and reconnect with their bodies via solo sex, try out new ideas in bed with a partner, or discover new kinks and turn-ons. Porn can be light and fun, but it can also be a deeper opportunity to heal shame and recognize queer desire.

For lesbians, it can be especially challenging to feel seen in day-to-day life — compulsory heterosexuality, the male gaze, misogyny, and homophobia are a lot to reckon with, especially if you’re just beginning your journey and haven’t yet connected to a queer community. And while porn certainly isn’t perfect (search “girl on girl” and you’ll find a never-ending supply of content catering to cis men), it can be an access point to different, dykier ways of being.

Especially when myths abound about how (and if) lesbians have sex, porn is an educational line in the sand: Yes, lesbians have sex, there are many different ways they have sex, and *you* might also want to have sex like this.

To get more insight into the ways porn can impact queer folks, Elite Daily asked four lesbians about their relationship with porn.

Porn Is Actually How I Discovered My Queerness

For Angel, a 22-year-old genderfluid lesbian living in Florida, porn was not only the gateway to discovering their queerness, but it also introduced them to romance between non-men, kinks, and “possibilities for sexual experiences.”

“Porn has taught me a lot about my desires, my sexuality, and connecting to my own body,” Angel says. They started watching porn in their early teen years, at age 13. “I started looking up videos of girls kissing girls. It was just what I was attracted to,” they say. “[Watching porn] has been a way to reclaim my body through pleasure after non-consensual sexual experiences, because ultimately this body is mine and I do what I want with it.”

They prioritize porn that treats WLW relationships with respect — meaning that male gaze-y content, or anything that fetishizes lesbians, is off the table. Angel looks for porn where women and non-men have autonomy and are in control of the way they are viewed, and loves to find WLW clips where non-binary or masculine people are featured.

She recommends @sagetheflame on Twitter for videos, and for those who love sexy fan art and fanfic, Angel says @nubeinvernal, @artkittweetz, @sapphyxiate, and @samm_NSFW on Twitter are great options.

Porn Helps Me Communicate What I Like & Want To Try

Babs, a queer and non-binary 27-year-old, grew up in Utah, where they didn’t receive any helpful sex education. “I was drawn to porn as a way to explore what I liked without having to ask anyone else,” they say. “I liked being able to try things in the privacy of my room, outside of my ‘straight’ relationship at the time.”

For a long time, it was difficult for Babs to watch porn, and they struggled to relate to the horny actors who actually wanted to have heterosexual sex that, to Babs, didn’t feel authentic. “I felt like my body was broken and my desire for sex was low, which always confused and frustrated my male partners. I couldn’t voice what I wanted or what felt good, [and my pleasure] was overlooked,” they recall.

Babs realized they were queer at around 19, and shortly after, at age 22, they started to do online sex work and make their own porn. The experience was positive for Babs, who felt empowered by their queer desire, the agency they had over their body, and the way they could use porn to move through past sexual trauma.

“Porn has positively impacted my relationships with others and myself,” Babs says. “It has helped me communicate things I like and want to try, name desires I was unsure about, and allows me to reconnect with my body. I usually only watch porn if I’m alone and masturbating, but it can be fun to watch with partners too. I like being able to get out of my head into a little sexy fantasy world.”

Babs recommends paying for subscription services like the queer-owned-and-produced Crash Pad Series and finding solo content creators on OnlyFans, Twitter, and Tumblr.

I Learned There Are Many Ways To Get Off

For Anjuli, a 29-year-old queer woman from Arkansas, porn has taught her about the flexibility of desire. “What you enjoy in media isn’t necessarily what you enjoy in real life,” she says. “Because I liked gay male porn in the past, that didn’t mean I liked men — I simply liked the way it made me feel.”

She also learned about all the different ways porn can help get you off. Anjuli is deaf, and says that visual porn can make it difficult to keep track of the storyline because captions usually aren’t available. “Sound is a big part of the experience for reasons hearing people may not understand,” she says. “The sounds of whispers, throaty groans, and moans tickle the nerves in ways people underestimate the importance of.” For Anjuli, audio erotica is best because the sound quality is so much higher — she can pick up on the subtle sounds and frequencies that stronger, high-quality mics provide. It also helps her “disconnect from the screen, and connect with the body [instead],” she says.

She also loves the immersive storylines in audio erotica. “I choose audio that puts me as the partner, with the woman’s voice speaking directly to me,” she says. She’ll sometimes use audio porn as a conversation starter (or foreplay) with a partner.

Anjuli recommends Dispea Stories, an app that offers sexy storylines, guided masturbation audio, and cozy relaxation sessions.

I’ve Become More Comfortable Talking About Masturbation & Pleasure

R, a 29-year-old lesbian living in Florida, first found porn as a kid. “I was looking for a game website and instead got the suggestion ‘Did you mean women kissing?’” she recalls. “In this magical, probably e-virus-infected site, I found 60-second clips of cheesy lesbian MILF narratives. I was so hooked.”

As a teen, R struggled with shame around masturbation, which led to a complicated relationship with porn. “My natural inner sexual world became a burden of secrecy,” she says. “I downplayed my interest in porn, yet feverishly took mental notes with every video I watched on how to hold a certain look or do a particular move.”

After she came out as bisexual in high school, lesbian porn became an important way to begin healing from shame. “My interest in being ethical in my porn [consumption] started blossoming,” she says. “Tumblr helped me discover Suicide Girls, Four Chambers, and ultimately Crash Pad. It changed the way I had sex, from being a performance into something that elicited real pleasure.” Finally, R was able to see authentic sex — people having real orgasms and following their bodies to pleasure. With this encouragement, R says “masturbating now got to be something I share instead of concealed, and so was the porn.”

For those looking for ethical queer porn, R recommends Sounds of Pleasure on Tumblr.