I Manifested My Ex Back & Learned A Surprising Lesson

Manifestation is not something I’m into, or so I thought. While it’s all about visualizing success, I often tend to anticipate the worst so as not to be disappointed or underprepared. However, this past spring, a soul-destroying situationship breakup found me seeking refuge on TikTok, and that’s when I found it: a way to manifest my ex back. Skeptical as I was, I was also desperate — in my heartache, I was willing to put my full trust in manifestation techniques.

The short version of the story of my ex: We were too different to make it work. Despite both falling in love within mere weeks and connecting on a very deep level, we had conflicting values and lifestyle differences — not inherently anyone’s fault. While there were overarching issues we could not ignore, his treatment of me in the end led to the situationship’s demise.

In our final few weeks together, it felt like I was being breadcrumbed. Some days he would want me and tell me so in the most convincing, heartfelt ways, then the next I’d be left confused after he would suddenly act the opposite. As a romantic lover girl, I found it hard to walk away because of the moments of hope he had given me. Over time, I could feel him pulling away, and he eventually told me it was over for good.

I respected that and ceased contact completely — and yet, somewhere in me, I believed I had found the person who understood the deepest parts of me, and I wasn’t able to let that go easily. So after a few days of feeling sad (and hearing through a friend that he was missing me and second-guessing as much as I was), I decided to get proactive instead: I wanted him to come back, and I was going to manifest it.

My stomach was flip-flopping: He wanted me back, and I had made it happen.

This might sound idealistic, but pop culture taught me that yearning is power. From Fleetwood Mac’s “Silver Springs” to Taylor Swift’s “I Bet You Think About Me,” we’re often told in music that past lovers will never “get away” from us once we’ve truly loved them. Movies also romanticize the return of an ex, particularly one we serendipitously (or purposefully) bump into who promptly tries to win us back thereafter. I’m talking about the ending of films like “Notting Hill” or, one of my personal favorites, “While You Were Sleeping.”

No wonder, then, that TikTok has tapped into the irresistible allure of manifesting a lover’s return. After watching one video, my timeline was absolutely flooded with them, from spiritual practices to social media techniques. The one that caught my eye was more of the latter — and I’m ashamed to admit that in my vulnerable state (and fueled by that intel from a mutual friend), I decided to follow the “Exit Plan.” This was put forth by @deepthinkingal in a video titled “How to get your ex back,” which now has 2.8 million views.

The plan consists of four steps, and it’s focused on acting with intention to attract the person back into your life. First, you “shut up” and “disappear,” meaning you do not reach out to your ex, and you also go quiet on social media. This helps you to process your breakup but also inadvertently sends your ex into a bit of a spiral, wondering what you’re doing and how you are. “You are valued and you must be earned, and that’s the energy we’re having here,” the creator says in the video — so I attempted to focus my energy on moving forward and trying to detach.

Next up, there’s the “rebirth,” when you finally make your reappearance on socials. Whether it’s posting a hot selfie or a compilation video of the cool things you’ve been up to, it’s time to make a loud return. This will apparently lead to what the creator calls a “come to Jesus” moment, where you simply wait for your ex to reach out to you. Obviously, there was no guarantee, but I put energy into the universe that if we were supposed to be together, this would lead to his return — something I could visualize very clearly, especially because I knew he missed me too.

I stayed off of social media and avoided any kind of communication for 10 whole days, a record for me as an avid Instagram user. Just hours after my return to social media (a cute carousel feed post of what I’d been up to lately, which may have included a thirst trap or two), it happened: I received an “I miss you” WhatsApp from him. While I pretended to be cool, inside my stomach was flip-flopping: He wanted me back, and I had made it happen.

Unfortunately, this excitement soon wore off as we attempted to rekindle our situationship and realized all the same problems were still there. It had only been a week or so of texting and occasionally speaking on the phone, and the differences existed just as they did previously.

The small sliver of relief I had felt while we were apart — not having to stare at my phone for hours waiting to see if he’d contact me — was quickly replaced by anxiety. I was back at square one. After weeks of misery for both of us, he did what I was unable to, finally walking away for good (but not without changing his mind more than once again in between).

The next few days were hell. I took time off from work to deal with the heartbreak I was experiencing, and friends who rallied by my side couldn’t help but comment they’d never seen me this upset over a guy — even the one whom I’d previously lived with for two years. It took some real time to heal, but the important thing is that over the coming months I truly did.

When I find my true person, they will stay.

With time and perspective, I realize that the whole situation was a blessing in disguise, as I learned my true worth and relationship nonnegotiables. I learned what not to do next time (read: manifest another ex back who treated me carelessly) and exactly what I don’t want. And now, I can refocus my energy on moving forward, either happily alone or through the continued process of finding my person.

While it’s human nature to want someone back when the heartbreak is fresh, acting on that desire often ends in double the amount of tears. Second-chance romances *can* sometimes work — one of my best friends and her partner are a testament to that — but unless significant time has passed and both people have grown, all the same problems are likely to still be there.

If I’d known this earlier, I could have saved myself the extra turmoil by avoiding this corner of TikTok. Despite all those videos about “getting back what’s meant for you,” I’ve learned to take it as a clear sign if someone ends something with me. Next time, I will gladly hold the door open for them on their way out. When I find my true person, they will stay, and that’s the only thing I’ll be (low-key) manifesting from now on.