Dating This Fall Is All About Getting Laid Or Laying Down

Picture this: It’s a blistery 40-degree day in the middle of November, you just spent too much money booking your flight home for Thanksgiving, and a Hinge match asked you to get drinks across town. Do you go? During cuffing season, there’s added pressure to say “yes” to any chance to find your person. But Tinx, TikTok’s big sis and a veritable beacon of dating advice, has a different take on dating this fall and winter: Get laid or lay down, otherwise known as “hoe-birnation.”

On Nov. 1, Tinx shared her “dual-pronged approach” to dating on her IG stories — encouraging her 555,000 Instagram followers to try it for themselves. “This time of year, with the holidays, you want to spend your energy and your time on things that are actually bringing you joy or orgasms,” the 33-year-old author of The Shift tells Elite Daily. “I am all about efficiency, so why not just strip out all the middle stuff? You're either getting laid or you're laying down.”

Whether you want to stay in bed in your pajamas or share your bed with someone (sans any pajamas), this dating mindset is about prioritizing your wants — and skipping anything that seems more draining than satisfying.

Below, Tinx shares how you can embrace “hoe-birnation” this season.

Elite Daily: How did you come up with the idea of “hoe-birnation”?

Tinx: Every winter, I like to hibernate. Usually in December, I start to wind down. I go to the holiday parties and enjoy the festivities, but come January, I'm in full hibernation. I call it “plug in the wall time,” like you’re a phone re-charging. I stay in, I do dry January, and I watch a lot of TV.

This year, I’m starting hibernation early. But at the same time, I still want to be feisty, have fun, and date. So I thought, what if we did hoevember and hibernation — “hoe-birnation”? We need to rest or we need orgasms. There's no in-between.

ED: Why do you think this is a good mentality for dating and hooking up this season?

T: I speak to so many women on a daily basis, whether it's through my Instagram AMAs, my radio show, or my podcast. And in three years of doing this, I've never noticed as much disdain for dating as I have these past couple of months. There’s super bad behavior and a lot of ghosting. Everybody feels burned out, but that doesn't stop them from wanting to have fun and get laid.

I'm always looking for new ways that we can reframe dating in a positive way. I love a little mantra, and I love having an inside joke with my community to connect us. So, it makes me giggle that other girls out there embracing this idea, saying, “I'm either getting laid or laying down this November.” I hope that we feel some sisterhood in those moments.

I really don't like the term ‘cuffing season.’ All it means is you want a boyfriend for winter.

ED: What are your best tips for implementing this dating strategy?

T: In the next couple of months, before you commit a serious amount of time to anything — like, more than an hour — you should ask yourself, “Do I actually want to do this?” A little addendum: If you're thinking about work, you still have to go. But if you get asked to go to dinner with a bunch of people you don't really like, say no. If you are not so pumped to go on a date, say no. If you want to go out and have a crazy night out, do that. Just make sure whatever you're spending time on is filling up your cup in one way or another.

ED: I feel like hoeing and hibernating often seem at odds. Hibernation usually means less makeup, less shaving, and more fuzzy socks. Hoeing is the opposite. How do you find the balance between the two?

T: I would look at it a different way and say you're only doing the high-maintenance stuff for the things that matter. You're not going on some random app date and drinking a glass of flat pinot noir, thinking, “Why did I waste my new going-out shirt on this guy? Why am I here on a Thursday when I could be in my bed?”

Also, make the most of those times you do go out. In the past, I've gone on two dates a night because if I'm dressed and already out, I want to maximize it. Or I'll go on a little drink date before a night out with friends. So if it's great, I'll see him again. And if it's not, I'm still going out with my friends. And then I only have to do my makeup once.

ED: Do you consider this a hot girl summer reset?

T: I absolutely love that. I think there is a lot of pressure in summer. Us girls always do the most in the summer. Now, I'm in a low-maintenance mood. We need a little reset.

ED: We’re also right in the middle of cuffing season. What are your thoughts on that dating mindset?

T: I really don't like the term “cuffing season.” All it means is you want a boyfriend for winter, and it's yet another way to put pressure on single people. It makes dating feel like a stressful game, as if there's a time limit. Women already struggle so much with the idea of being on track or falling behind.

Controversially, I actually think that being single in the winter, over the holidays, is better. People are against it because it's cold out, but I always start dating people in the winter. It's cozier. You can go to have a nice cozy cocktail somewhere. Things are just calmer. You have more time, and you can be more choosy and selective.

This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity.