I Asked An Astrologer To Help Me Fix My Dating Life

I have never been in an official relationship. Sure, I’ve been on a ton of first dates, fallen in love with people who weren’t right for me, and know all too well about heartbreak and unrequited love. But have I ever been called someone's girlfriend? The bane of their existence and the object of their desires? Has anyone ever said “I cannot breathe when you are not near; my heart calls for you”? Absolutely not.

While I still sometimes attempt to stage meet-cutes by lingering around bookstores and coffee shops, now that I’m 26, I’m no longer devoting every waking minute to scrolling through dating apps. Of course, I’m still curious about whether I’ll ever find “The One.” That’s why I decided to book a virtual session with Lumi Pelinku, an intuitive love astrologer, transformative life coach, and energy healer based in New York City. After hearing about her on a podcast, I felt it was the perfect opportunity to analyze my birth chart and get clarity on my love life.

Love astrology, or synastry, is a way to understand relationships by looking at how the planets communicate with each other. While each astrologer has their own unique approach and price point (a session with Pelinku will set you back $300), Pelinku specializes in getting to the core of who you are and what you really want. She helped me see all the dating missteps I’ve made and revamp my relationship game plan — plus, she provided some concrete tips about qualities I should look for in a partner.

My Chart Helped Reveal The Way I Date

Most synastry readings begin with a thorough examination of your birth chart, and this one was no exception. At the start of our 90-minute session over Zoom, I asked Pelinku for a refresher on my Big 3 placements: sun in Taurus, moon in Pisces, and rising in Virgo.

We dug into my horizon line, which shows how I present myself to the world and interact with others — the vibes I give off, if you will. Pelinku broke it down for me: “The horizon line starts at the ascendant (also known as the rising sign), and then you draw a line to the opposite part of the birth chart, known as the descendant. That descendant spot is all about love and partnerships.” My descendant sign is Pisces, which is the polar opposite of my rising sign, Virgo. This Pisces descendant signifies the kind of partnership that works best for me. According to Pelinku, I should seek out a deep, unconditional bond with a partner that goes beyond the physical and is more about energetic and spiritual alignment.

She complimented my earth energy, noting the abundance of earth and water elements in my chart. She recognized that I’m someone who prioritizes comfort and enjoys tending to the people I care about. “It’s not that you’re constantly trying to fix everything, but rather you naturally gravitate towards taking care of those you hold dear,” she says. This hit home for me, because I’m definitely guilty of going above and beyond for my crushes. The number of gifts and meals I’ve made for those who couldn’t even bother to text back... It’s embarrassing to think about.

While I have the freedom to make choices, certain periods will offer greater opportunities for attracting a relationship.

Pelinku also stressed the importance of open communication in my relationships. She pointed out my natal Mercury in Taurus, which means that while I may come across as an open book, my thoughts actually tend to build up inside me until they reach a breaking point. “It’s important for you to embrace dialogue and express yourself when something doesn’t align with you,” she says. I’ve always been hesitant to ask the dreaded “What are we?” question, which could have saved me from a lot of confusion and pain.

She then observed that in my past relationships, I tended to lose my sense of identity by becoming overly devoted to the other person. My natal south node and moon are located in the seventh house, which indicates that for me, partnerships are influenced by a sense of duty and devotion, rather than a careful assessment of my own needs. Moving forward, it’s essential for me to set clear boundaries, and the right person will be respectful of them.

My Dream Partner, According To The Stars

After covering the big-picture takeaways from my birth chart, we got down to the nitty gritty: my past situationships. I couldn’t help but laugh when Pelinku asked if the last person I’d been seeing didn’t meet my expectations in terms of commitment (an understatement, to say the least). When I told her we met on Hinge, she promptly dismissed the idea of finding my person that way. “Your connection will most likely come through work and networking,” she confidently states.

To help me understand what I’m looking for, Pelinku analyzed the positions of Mars and Venus in my chart. Mars represents the masculine energy I’m seeking, including my physical desires and drive to achieve goals. Venus reflects my desired dating style and the love language (words of affirmation) that makes me feel secure. By aligning with Venus, I can attract relationships that resonate with my true self and open my heart to healing. Pelinku also looked at the asteroid Juno, which reveals the relationship themes important for my personal growth.

When it comes to future partnerships, Pelinku advised me to go beyond mere attraction based on looks. (All I want is to date someone more than 6 feet tall — sue me!) Instead, I should look for someone who is continuously growing and evolving. Pelinku emphasized the importance of finding a partner who is detailed, organized, and intentional about their desires. It’s key for me to seek a unique, eccentric partner with a wide range of interests, someone who brings intellectual stimulation and constantly questions things.

When Am I Most Likely To Find Love?

Toward the end of our session, Pelinku analyzed my transits, aka the current positions and movements of the planets in relation to my birth chart. She carefully examined how these planetary alignments would impact my dating life. Pelinku explained that while I have the freedom to make choices, certain periods will offer greater opportunities for attracting and nurturing a meaningful relationship. Essentially, when the planets align with my chart, there’s a higher likelihood of experiencing a perfect meet-cute or gaining clarity with someone I’m interested in.

According to Pelinku, there’s a specific time coming up soon when the universe will be totally on my side. “You could start dating right now if you want to,” she says, but recommended that I wait until the end of Venus retrograde, which is from July 23 to Sept. 3. After that, the next two and a half years present a fantastic opportunity for me to date and explore.

She also gave me some advice on how to manifest my dream partner: Reflect and visualize your ideal person and love story, writing it as a scene or list in the present tense. Feel the imagery come alive in your mind, embracing your partner, the relationship, and your goals. For manifesting love, Pelinku suggests working with the moon phases, as each month provides continuous opportunities to align with the moon’s energy. According to her, it’s best to focus on the waxing phase when the moon is increasing in size, as this is when manifestation is most effective for love and relationships.

While nothing is guaranteed, I now have far more faith in the universe that I’m going to find someone to share my life with. Until then, I’m going to work on myself, manifest, and delete Raya.