Man Writes Hilarious Note To IKEA After Getting His Balls Stuck In A Chair

IKEA stool, or medieval torture device used to crush a man's balls?

'Tis the latter, if this hilarious note is anything to go by.

Claus Jørstad was taking a shower when he sat down on his Marius stool to nurse a recent knee injury.

As he bathed himself, it became apparent one of his nuts had slipped into a hole in the stool.

THE HORROR.

He detailed the harrowing experience in a Facebook post to IKEA. It's written in Norwegian, and while Google Translate doesn't offer an entirely accurate translation, I'm pretty sure he refers to his meat and two veg as "Popeye and the two boatsmen."

Claus recounts,

And as I couldn't move, I started pondering how the hell I was gonna get outta the mess. After a lot of pondering forth and back, I realized I had no bloody ideas.

This is genuinely terrifying. Any guy reading this right now is probably comforting his sack with a soothing stroke.

Then this happened:

The water turned cold by itself. So I started freezing. The water got cold. Even more cold than my mother-in-law's smile when I married her daughter.

It's a miracle! The only time a guy would wish for a small package.

IKEA replied with a whole load of sass:

Hey Claus. We recommend that you take the stool out of the shower. If you choose to keep it in the shower, make sure you are well dressed for your next sea excursion.

DAAAAYUM.