For years, scientists have been acting as physical trainers for the rapidly declining health of the human race.

They've dressed up vegetables and called them "superfoods," they've given us new inventions to count the number of steps we take every day and they've even made up entire diets catered to our blood types.

Science has effectively given us all the information and tools we need to work toward becoming happier, healthier versions of ourselves.

And you know what the majority of us said to that?

We said, "Go fuck yourself, science. I WANT A CRONUT!"

So, science has decided to accept us for who we are by responding with a new study that summarily says, "Fine, you lazy assholes. Just work out twice a week to stay fit and to avoid getting cancer."

And we were like, "We'll consider it."

But first, let's look at the data.

A new study in the Journal of The American Medical Association started by analyzing the death certificates (how uplifting) of four groups of people: the inactive (no reported activity), the insufficiently active (less than 150 minutes of moderate activity from one or two sessions per week), the "weekend warriors" (at least 150 minutes of moderate activity from one or two sessions per week) and the regularly active (at least 150 minutes of moderate activity from three or more sessions per week).

They found that by getting in at least two workouts a week, people were 37 percent less likely to die of cardiovascular disease and 14 percent less likely to die of cancer than people who were sedentary.

The study's senior author, Associate Professor Emmanuel Stamatakis from the University of Sydney, said in a press release,

It is very encouraging news that being physically active on just one or two occasions per week is associated with a lower risk of death, even among people who do some activity but don't quite meet recommended exercise levels

So, for those of you who want to spend the least amount of time at the gym to just scrape by in life, you now have your guidelines.

Although, two days a week still really seems excessive to me.

Sweet dreams!

Citations: Association of “Weekend Warrior” and Other Leisure Time Physical Activity Patterns With Risks for All-Cause, Cardiovascular Disease, and Cancer Mortality (Journal of American Medical Association)