Among your friends, there's likely the one who is always calm and happy no matter the situation.
Nothing phases them, and they never seem to be stressed.
The reason they maintain their composure is because they control a number of things that would otherwise bring them down.
So, what are their secrets? Here are ten things those perfectly calm people do:
1. They don't sweat the small stuff.
It's rare that stress occurs only due to one thing, and it's often a war of attrition where a number of things build up until you snap.
Your calm friends have found a way to ignore the small things, which allows them to concentrate on the more serious concerns.
When you spill your coffee, your car won't start or you're late for work, don't allow these things to stress you out.
They are naturally frustrating, but take them for what they are: small obstacles that you can overcome.
When something happens, don't react. Pause, count to 10 and breathe.
Don't get angry. Think how you will get over this obstacle.
With practice, you will find that you are having more successes in your day.
2. They don't dwell on negativity.
You get some negative feedback at work, or someone has an argument with you in a shop.
Suddenly, all of the positive things you have done in your day disappear, and all you can think about is the negative event until your day is ruined.
The positive people don't allow negative events to ruin their whole day. Yes, they will likely become angry or upset, but they close it down quickly and don't dwell on it.
Shit happens, but they move on and do not allow to take them over.
3. They don't stay with toxic people.
One of the most important things anyone ever said to me was, "The person who is always bad-mouthing people to you is bad-mouthing you to others behind your back."
There are some people who are just naturally toxic, always manipulating the situation and bitching about everything and everyone.
You don't need such people in your life.
If you feel someone is consistently negative, you should walk away from them or, at the very least, not allow them to bring you down.
Sometimes it may seem difficult, but making this change will be better for you and your life.
4. They don't work too hard.
I have yet to see a gravestone that says, "Wishes they had spent more time at work."
Calm people have found the meaning of work-life balance. More importantly, they realize life is short and time spent working is not the answer to everything.
When I had my first proper job out of university, I worked stupid hours because I wanted to impress my boss. So as the directors went home on time, I would work until 10 at night.
Did it get me anything? Well, I got more work because I was the fool who would do it.
I didn't get any more money or any real respect. I just became frustrated because I was missing out on having a life.
Good people come in, get their job done and then go home.
The only thing that will happen if you work extra is you will be taken for granted, and you will miss out on the important things in life.
5. They appreciate the beauty in life.
Life is beautiful, and there are some amazing sunsets, literature and movies that will make you cry for all the right reasons.
Calm and happy people find the beauty in life, even if it's just a day at the beach or a beautiful flower.
Take time to find beauty in your life, and then pause and enjoy it.
Making time for things will get you into a habit of finding beauty in places you wouldn't expect, from the hidden corners of a city to the most amazing bit of nature.
6. They smile.
Have you noticed if you smile at someone, they are more than likely to smile back?
That's because smiling is contagious, and more importantly, it's good for you.
When you smile, it boosts your mood, lowers your heart rate and decreases your stress.
Endorphins are a natural painkiller, and you can get a tiny "happiness high"!
So even if you are feeling terrible, the physical act of smiling can start to help you to feel better.
Research has shown also that people who smile more are considered to be more attractive, and they lift the mood of people around them.
7. They pause and meditate.
Sometimes, when things seem to be getting too much, you need to pause and take a break.
This is when calm people meditate and allow a moment to become at east.
Meditation may create images of yoga or new-age treatments, but you can create a simple relaxation and meditation state very quickly and simply.
There are various simple techniques, and once you master them, you can move on to more challenging exercise.
8. They appreciate others.
Showing a respect and care for others will not only make you feel better about yourself, but it will also naturally make other people feel better about you.
And when you need someone's help or support, they are more likely to help you.
Don't be one of the people who goes through life oblivious of the role other people play in it, from the janitor who makes sure your building is safe and clean to the person at the coffee shop who is working hard to serve you.
Take a moment, be nice, smile and appreciate what they are doing.
Let me give you an example: I once worked in retail, and I had a customer who was massively aggressive and rude. She argued that we should open another checkout.
As the checkout manager, I took her to a closed belt, helped her unload her shopping cart and then served her myself.
As she came to pay, I saw she was shaking and upset, so I asked if I could buy her a coffee in our in-store coffee shop to apologize. (Now, I was not in the wrong, but she needed someone to help her.)
As she calmed down, she apologized and told me of her amazingly difficult day. She had been diagnosed with cancer, and I was just the person who received her anger.
She thanked me, and as a footnote, I am so pleased to say she recovered and was a regular customer, always saying hello.
It took me a moment to appreciate her situation and to try to help her. We can all do the same.
9. They ignore the instinct to become angry.
When you become stressed and upset, you upset others, the situation escalates and everything gets out of control.
Anger hurts everyone involved, and nobody walks away from an angry situation any better for it.
Calm people understand this, and they know it's better to stop and reflect on the situation before the red mist descends.
Being angry is natural, but uncontrolled outbursts are not healthy.
They can damage your physical health with increased stress levels and higher blood pressure, and they can even cloud your thinking and damage your career.
Learn to step away from situations in which you find yourself getting angry before it gets out of control. Take a timeout, and physically walk away if you have to.
Just realize anger will not help your situation.
Learn to recognize when your anger is getting out of control, and stop yourself before you blow up. Take yourself out of situations in which your anger will make you do something you may regret.
10. They understand that life is for living.
Calm people "get it." By this, I mean they understand that it is a rich commodity, and it there to be enjoyed.
You need to ask yourself, "What is my life for?" I can assure you it is not solely to work.
You need to get up and live for every single day. It doesn't mean you don't have to do the boring stuff, but don't let it take over your life.
Remember Baz Luhrmann's "Everybody's Free To Wear Sunscreen."
It's a great mantra to live your life.
