Here is the cold, hard truth: Your prime drinking years are behind you.
You don't bounce back from a night of vodka shots like you once did as a college freshman. Instead, your bones ache at the mere mention of alcohol.
Your hangover is crippling, even mind-numbing. Singing to the porcelain god is more of a guarantee than an avoidable rare occurrence.
Don't blame us for giving you a spoonful of reality, though. It's science.
Though you may still look like you're 21, your body is years older than your youthful glow suggests. According to NBC News, the enzymes that break down booze diminish somewhat as you age.
Look, this doesn't mean you have to sit on the sidelines at every holiday party.
Just realize you just can't keep up quite like you once did. There are clear signs your body is saying "no, thank you" to that last beer.
1. Your hangover lasts two days too long.
Drunk on Friday night? You'll be better by Monday afternoon.
2. You get drunk from drinking two beers instead of 12.
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Congrats! You're now a lightweight!
3. You're way too responsible.
You ask the bartender for a glass of water between each whiskey sour.
4. You don't even want to make out with randos anymore.
You just want to go home and sleep. Alone.
5. You feel butterflies before you get wasted.
Hangovers are death. Why would anyone want to die purposefully?
6. You refuse free drinks.
Long gone are the days of guzzling down horrible booze just because it's free.
7. You have to be responsible for kids.
Children do not care for your tipsy ways.
8. You're not wearing blackout-ready clothes.
You no longer choose shoes appropriate for falling all over the sticky dive bar floor.
9. You avoid all 25 and under events.
You just can't keep up with the kids anymore.
10. You're no longer a fun drunk.
Either you're angry or bitter while finishing off your fourth glass.
11. You have way more fun when you're sober.
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When you can wake up the next morning and not want to die, it's lit.
12. You love sleep more than anything.
"Work hard, play hard" doesn't include drinking.
13. You don't eat greasy hangover food anymore.
Your adult diet won't allow you to be great. Who eats baked tofu after raging all night?
14. You have a job that requires more than two working brain cells.
Sorry, but you can't skip meetings like you skipped anatomy class.
15. You can't stomach cheap booze anymore.
It just comes straight back up.
16. You have no interest in drunk texting your ex.
Drinking and Draking is a terrible idea.
