We all want surfboard abs, Nicki Minaj's behind and Cameron Diaz's legs, but it takes hard work and dedication to achieve those results.
These 35 thoughts go through every woman's mind before, during and after her workout:
Before
1. Sitting in the car in front of the gym: “I can’t do this. I’m not about this life”
2. “I should be at happy hour with my friends right now”
3. Scrolling through Instagram: "Body goals right there. I bet it’s that detox tea. Wait, she’s only 15, so she hasn’t hit puberty yet.”
4. “I hope my armpits don’t need to be shaved.”
5. “I should probably walk into the gym now. It’s the thought that counts, right? If only thoughts burned calories.”
6. Checking in at the front desk: “Why do the front desk women always look like they are fat-shaming me? Sorry, I have a life outside of the gym.”
7. Looking at the scale: “The scale needs to stop staring at me. It is just a number. It’s not even accurate. It doesn’t take into account my big bone structure.”
During
8. “How does that girl have that ass on that waist? Maybe she has butt implants. I’ll just patiently wait for them to explode.“
9. “Oh my God, there’s a smoking hot guy to the left of me. I suddenly have the energy to do one more set”
10. “Yeah, I forgot to put deodorant on.”
11. “F*ck, I have a camel toe and wedgie at the same time. #SpandexProbs”
12. “Thank God for Beyoncé. Her music always gets me feeling myself.”
13. In the process of doing burpees: “My nipple just fell out. Chrissy Teigen would be so proud. #FreeTheNipple”
14. “I clearly did not get the memo about the fake eyelashes, extensions, cake face and spray tan dress code. Since when did the gym become a beauty pageant?”
15. Looking at meat heads: “I wonder if it hurts to inject steroids into your butt?”
16. Doing squats: “Grow booty, grow booty, grow booty, GROW!”
17. “I love seeing my fat cry.”
18. “That looks like an interesting machine.” Trying to figure it out for five minutes: “Seems to be too interesting for my taste.”
19. “Only getting on the treadmill if 'The Real Housewives' are on.”
20. “Whatever I just did made my hair look like a bird's nest.”
21. “I literally just tripped over a dumbbell. Where is the uncoordinated section?”
22. Earphones get unplugged: “Yes, everyone, I listen to trap music, and I am white as sh*t.”
23. “If I do 1o more lunges, I can drink tonight.”
24. “I can feel my cholesterol levels going down.”
25. “Why am I drinking BCAAs that taste like chalk, when I could be sipping a venti Caramel Ribbon Crunch Frappuccino with extra caramel?”
26. “I wonder if my Lululemon pants make me look athletic.”
27. In the process of running: “I can feel the puke coming up. My side hurts. I didn’t know I had asthma. I think I am having a heart attack.”
28. Bending over to stretch: “Oops, I just farted. I should just keep bending over and pretend to meditate. Maybe I’ll pass for a yogi."
After
29. “I can’t feel my legs.”
30. Trying to Snapchat post-workout: "How do I get that Ronda Rousey look?"
31. Looking for a six-pack in the mirror: “I should start waist training.”
32. “If I keep this up, I'll look like an Instagram model in no time.”
33. “What should I eat tonight? Pizza, nachos or spaghetti? Just kidding. I’m on that chicken, broccoli and sweet potato diet.”
34. Walking out of the gym like a Victoria's Secret model: “I killed that workout. I am all about this life.”
35. Driving away from the gym: “I should probably invest in a trainer.”
