Why are we always searching for someone who fits certain criteria of what we think we want? I can’t tell you how many times a friend has said to me, “this guy is perfect on paper, why don’t I like him?” It’s because “perfect on paper” means sh*t regarding how you feel about someone.
We’re so focused on finding someone who dresses and acts a certain way, was raised with values that are ideal for us and looks like what we describe as our “type.” Then, someone comes along who fits none of the above, and you’re like sh*t, why am I so attracted to this person? It’s because the rules of attraction/like/love have nothing to do with the laundry list that you’ve spent your whole life creating thus far.
One of my favorite quotes is, “People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” I’ve seen so many people say and do things that they think will impress someone they’re interested in. The truth is that you can have the same interests as someone, come from the same background and still have no chemistry. In fact, those factors usually mean nothing when it comes to chemistry.
We always feel pressure to be with people who are similar to us, or fit the description of what is “ideal” to us. The more you give into the pressure to be with someone who you think you “should” be with, the unhappier you will be. At the same time, the more you avoid your feelings for someone who doesn’t fit this image, the unhappier you will be.
Take the pressure off of yourself now to find that “perfect person.” He doesn’t exist. You will wind up compromising yourself, by changing yourself to fit the image of whom you think this person would want to be with. In the end, it’s a lose-lose. It probably won’t work out. You will get bored of superficiality and tired of constantly holding him up to arbitrary standards.
Instead, just live your life the way you would if nobody were watching. That way, when you find someone you are interested in, you’ll know it’s genuine because it will feel effortless. It may take longer this way, but the end result will be much more satisfying. Besides, what’s the rush?
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