Relationships
10 Women Who Stayed With Their Cheating Partners Reveal What Happened Next
by Candice Jalili
Being cheated on is not always as black and white as one might think. In other words, it doesn't necessarily signify the end of the relationship. Whether or not a couple splits up as a result of infidelity is up to... well, the couple. So, should you stay after being cheated on? Well, there's no real right or wrong answer to that question but, luckily, these ladies on Reddit's AskWomen have some powerful words of wisdom to share from their own experiences of taking back cheaters.
He just kept cheating.
He did it again. And again. And again. And again. The only lesson he learned from it was to be sneakier and that he would face no real consequences for his actions. We’re divorced now. I stayed because I fell into the sunk cost fallacy...and the cheating ruined my self esteem so I didn’t think I could do better. At the end of the day, the cheater wins - they get everything they wanted, and you get trust issues and STD tests.
She eventually met someone who reminded her of her worth.
I thought marriage was supposed to be forever. He refused to go to counseling. The marriage was strained. I had no self esteem. I never wanted to have sex because I could only think of him cheating. He continued to cheat, and then blamed me that he cheated because I gained weight and became unattractive. Eventually it got to the point that I knew he was cheating, again, and I didn't have the energy to care. Found companionship with a man online because I was so unbelievably lonely. He showed me that I had worth. After I met him once, and kissed him, I finally left my cheating husband because I didn't want to be a cheater like him.
Things changed but not in the way she had hoped.
Currently still with him. This happened over 8 years ago and we still stayed married. Unfortunately with everything going on I don’t trust him and that has started to impact me as a person and our relationship. We tried marriage counseling and for the most part it was working but I’m not expecting it to solve the problems we have. I’m also not expecting it to be the answer to where we are headed. I kept my marriage alive with the hope that eventually something would change. It did but not in the way I expected it to.
He actually made the changes he promised he would.
Honestly? Because I was young, had low self-esteem and didn’t think I could do any better. Anyway, the relationship was actually okay after; I was able to find forgiveness and he changed a whole lot of stuff for the better. We dated a couple of years and, although we always knew we were never going to be together forever, it was okay for the most part. We eventually broke up, somewhat overdue, because we just weren’t compatible.If I could go back and do it again, I wouldn’t have gotten back together with him though. Actually, I probably wouldn’t have dated him in the first place. But it’s not a big deal.
It changed the dynamic of their relationship forever.
It's very tough. Sometimes I still struggle with it. We're working through it, but it still sucks.We aren't the same as we were before. It feels like everything is a before and an after. The after feels familiar, but nothing will ever be the same again.And it makes me incredibly sad sometimes. There are good moments. We've opened up our communication and I would argue that it's better than before most of the time. It's just tough to be in this situation. It's hard not to blame yourself.
They decided to open up their relationship and the tables wound up turning.
I stayed because I was still in love with her. She blamed her cheating on me being boring in bed, and I agreed to open our relationship up. Opening our relationship up, and then closing it back down, due to her own jealousy, caused me to fall out of love with her. I ended that relationship.
She tried to forgive him but she couldn't shake her newfound hatred.
I stayed briefly with my ex-fiance mostly because of the sunk cost fallacy. We had a rough outline of what our future would be and it was terrifying to let that go and not know where or who I'd be with down the line. We had also already booked most of our wedding vendors.
I was miserable and heartbroken. I hated him, resented him, had no patience left for him. It didn't last long because he accepted a job out of state and wanted me to go with him. I would have to give up my good job, my friends and family, my car, etc, so I refused and split. I don't personally believe that cheaters ever change. They may go a few years without or get better at hiding it.
Her worst case scenario became a reality.
Why? Because he had cheated on me with my best friend and I thought that if I didn't stay with him he would end up being with her and then I would have lost them both.
How was it? The worst thing ever. When we eventually broke up they did get together and I did lose them both but it was still better than staying in that miserable broken relationship.
Forgiving him just made him a better cheater.
As others have said, he just got sneakier and continued doing it. He was a narcissist who'd successfully manipulated me into thinking I couldn't do better, and I naively believed that it was a one-time mistake. Ultimately, the relationship went down in flames, and he decided to throw out that he'd cheated multiple times to wound me. At that point, I couldn't have cared less.I think these scenarios almost always kill the relationship, if they aren't dead already.
They cheated each on each other and it actually improved their relationship.
My s/o and I both cheated on each other at different times. We both forgave each other because in the end we had no real right to really not forgive each other. Our relationship now is much more mature and way better than it was before. We are actually more open to each other now and we have regained each other's trust. It was hard to be open all of sudden after forgiving each other but now it's natural and something we always want to do to - be transparent with each other
At the end of the day, deciding whether or not to stay with your partner is a personal decision. Go with your gut! It's all you can do.
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