How To Tell Someone On A Dating App You Want Something Serious, According To Experts
Dating apps tend to get a bad rep as places you go when you're looking for casual relationships. It makes sense; so many options just sitting in your pocket, waiting to be swiped on! But telling someone on a dating app you want something serious isn't impossible, even though it can be a bit tricky. There are plenty of people like you who are looking for something less casual, and they're on dating apps too. So if you swipe right on someone you find attractive, you hit it off, and you want to make your intentions clear from the get-go, look no further.
In order to attract someone with similar interests, and to make sure you and your match are on the same page, putting yourself out there and being honest about what you want is the best way to go. But just because it may be a little scary, that doesn't mean you shouldn't do it! After all, there is nothing wrong with looking for a real love, so don't be afraid to speak your truth. I enlisted the help of some experts to help navigate these tricky dating app waters. Here is how they say to let people know that you're looking for something more serious.
If you want a serious relationship, don’t hide it.
Eric Resnick, dating expert and dating profile writer, tells Elite Daily that one of the reasons it can be hard to meet someone who wants a relationship on a dating app is because not every user is looking for something serious. “As a result, a lot of dating apps have people with mixed intent,” he explains. This, says Resnick is why it's essential to be clear about what you want from the start. “It is important to let people know where you stand or you will end up being approached by a lot of people who are just looking for a fling. You will also run the risk of being passed over because people might assume you aren't looking for something serious if you don't tell them.”
Julie Spira, online dating expert and author of Love in the Age of Trump: How Politics is Polarizing Relationships, agrees — and says that if you want something more serious, you should put it out there right away. “I believe setting your intention and putting it out there front and center is important, especially if you’re looking for a serious relationship,” Spira tells Elite Daily. “We all know that dating apps have millions of profiles, and that your time is valuable, so attracting someone who is also looking for a serious relationship is a good use of your time and effort.”
Make it clear on your profile.
Both of the experts agree that your profile is the perfect place to make your intentions and desires clear, so don’t shy away from being upfront about it. “On a dating app, you’ve got a small amount of digital real estate to show your intentions, so I recommend keeping it simple and putting it in your bio,” Spira advises. “All you need to do is say, ‘Looking for a LTR’ or ‘Hoping to meet someone that could develop into a LTR’.”
Being straightforward is a good way to improve your chances of matching with someone who wants the same things. However, being defensive about those desires is not, warns Resnick. “Don't be defensive and tell people to swipe right on you if they are looking for something casual, just be honest about your intent,” he cautions. “If you don't let people know why you are there, you can't be angry when the wrong people message you. It doesn't have to be a big deal unless you make it one.”
Profile pitfalls to avoid.
In addition to being honest and upfront about your intentions on the app, the experts also offer some advice on what not to do. “When you mention you’re looking for a serious or LTR in your profile, there’s no need to mention it again when you match or chat. It can be quite a turn-off to say, ‘You know, I’m only looking for a serious relationship, right?’ Even if the person you’re chatting with feels the same way, it could send someone running for the hills if they think you’re interested in going ring shopping within the first few dates,” warns Spira. You should also avoid being wishy washy about what it is that you want, adds Resnick. “Don't be ashamed of wanting a relationship,” he says. “I've seen people write things like ‘Believe it or not, I'm actually looking for a relationship here.’ That makes you seem defensive. You have nothing to be defensive about.”
Ultimately, the takeaway here is to just be open about what you want and unafraid to put it out there — confidently. That is the best way to attract like-minded people. “Just put it out there and be confident about it. If a real relationship is what you want, you have to tell people,” says Resnick. So, don’t be afraid to ask for what you want and deserve.
