Relationships
If You Feel Like You Always Need To Be In A Relationship, Here's How To Get Over It
by Candice Jalili
Sergey Filimonov, Stocksy
Unfortunately, a common misconception for human beings across the globe is that we need to have a romantic partner to make us feel totally and completely happy. Basically, we're taught through movies and TV shows and (often times) our families that the key to happiness is falling deeply in love. Of course, a relationship with someone you truly love can be a source of joy in your life, but the fact of the matter is that you really don't need a relationship to be happy.
Don't believe me? Read these responses from ladies on Reddit's AskWomen about how they were able to accept that being single provided them with plenty of happiness.
Spend Time Working On Yourself
I came to the realization that being with the wrong person out of fear of being alone would leave me worse off in the long run. I'd rather spend time working on myself, accomplishing things that I've worked hard for, than make sacrifices for someone who would hold me back from being my best self.
Go To Therapy
Therapy. The only thing that broke me out of my cycle was therapy.
Understand That You Are A Whole Person
I realized I didn’t think I was enough if I wasn’t being “completed” by someone else. I decided I’m not a half, I’m a whole person all by myself, and I needed to learn to be alone with myself or I’d always be codependent on someone. My therapist made me take a long hard look at myself to realize that I wasn’t being my own person, just part of someone else. Now I’m a whole person by myself and I love it. Don’t even know if I’d want to go back to being with someone anymore.
Read "What A Time to Be Alone"
Book recommendation: What a time to be alone by Chidera Eggerue
Date Yourself
I dated myself. No, but really. I went to movies, out to dinner, took bubble baths, and basically did any and all activities I could do. At first it felt weird and took some getting used to but eventually I stopped caring that I was alone and was genuinely enjoying being by myself.
Hit The Gym
I started going to yoga with some friends, and then later on became gym buddies with another one of my good friends. This was how I was able to focus a lot on me, in a physical sense.I also really focused on advancing my school work and then career, all while growing my friendships as much as I could. Basically, I took all the time I was investing in a relationship and spent it working on myself and building a strong social circle. It left me feeling the most confident I've ever felt. Took about 1.5 years.Now I'm in a relationship that I feel empowers me more than anything. We aren't co-dependent, just a really good team. I completely credit my time focusing on myself for allowing me to get here.
Listen To The Podcast "U Up"
I started listening to this podcast called “U Up” where they just get a male and female perspective on relationship stuff. It just helped me realize that I don’t NEED a relationship to be happy and that the society we live in puts so much pressure on “finding the one.” Idk it just helped instill the idea that it’s better to just wait until I find a true partner that compliments me rather than forcing a relationship by ignoring things that are total dealbreakers.
Lean On Your Friends And Family
I put myself out there and realized there was a whole world I was missing while I was in a relationship. Hearing everyone’s ex stories and seeing them doing well gave me hope. I found so many people that thought I was great and wanted to spend time with me. I felt so worthless beforehand. My friends and family helped me see the beauty in the world.
Focus On Doing Things You Love
I’ve spent many years being happy single. ESP when I’ve seen friends get married young and now they’re starting to get divorced. I feel like a dodger a bullet.I focused on doing things I loved. I did a masters, travelled, worked on my career, worked on my friendships. Stayed busy, got healthy, fitter. Loved who I saw in the mirror.However 2018 has been my best year ever. So many things have finally gone my way and I’m on cloud nine..... and now this is the first time I’ve felt truely lonely because I have no one to come home to and share that with. Plus, well. It’d be nice to have d*ck on tap.
Understand That It's OK To Not Be 100 Percent Happy All The Time
I know it's better for me and everyone involved right now. I'm not 100% happy with my life, but I'm happy with my decision to be single. I work on bettering myself, learning to love myself and get my life where I want it to be. Then, once I have my train on its track, a passenger is free to hop on.
Remember That You're Enough
I always thought that I wasn't enough and that I needed a relationship to be "someone". Everyone in my family was waiting for it. My last two relationships weren't so good. The first guy was a cheater and the second one, my longest relationship, a verbal and emotional abuser. If at first I thought I was happy (nobody judged me anymore for being single - and, yes, it was the only pro. My friends didn't want to see him, he didn't want to be seen with me by his friends, almost no quality time together, I had not a cent for me), after almost four year it was hell. Then, one day he said "mmm, I'm not sure about us... (he had other plans with his friends)" I felt it was time for a breakup: no more screaming, crying, being sad. On that precise moment I started feeling happy being single. I had to be full of bad feelings to have the strenght to say "enough". And now, 4 years in January 2019, I am still happy being single. Maybe one day I'll find the right one, maybe not, but now I'm sure that I can be good almost every time by myself. It's not all a bed of roses, of course: every now and then I miss that feeling in my stomach (a kiss, some cuddles, some good ol' sex), I try to recall those awful memories and sensations. Not because love is bad (no, really. It's not. It's a wonderful thing!) but because I know that I couldn't and I won't be happy lowering my self-esteem and bearing such a burden. I need - and I want - to be happy with myself. Always. Then I can be happy with someone else.
Don't Be Afraid To Do Things On Your Own
I started doing things. Sounds weird, but like I used to miss out on things I wanted to do because I didn't have anyone to go with. So, one day I said "f*ck that" and went to a movie by myself. Had a blast. Then I thought, I can do this whenever I want. I can take myself out. I can buy myself a nice dinner. I can stay out all night if I want. I started to enjoy the freedom that comes with being single. The only problem is now I don't think I'll ever give up that freedom...
You see, guys?! There are plenty of ways to find joy without a relationship in your life. Time to focus on those.
